The New Mutants is a Failed Experiment

This movie was doomed to fail. First, there was the disaster that was Dark Phoenix. Then there was the Disney-Fox merger. And to top it all off, it came out in 2020. Under these circumstances, it would have taken the second coming of Christ himself to save it!

Not that Jesus would have bothered. Not with this catastrophic mess.

After a mysterious storm ruins her life, Dany wakes up in a mysterious facility for the study and protection of mutants. But not all is as it appears.

Aside from the characters being Mutants, this movie doesn’t have anything connecting it to the older X-Men movies. It’s its own thing, and I respect that! New things are always refreshing!

If only it were a good new thing…

See, this movie is caught in something of an identity crisis. One part of it is a dark teenage drama. The other… well, the other is a dumb X-Men movie. If you told me this one had been re-written/reshot half a dozen times, I’d believe you.

When it’s a teenage drama, it’s actually not that bad! The dialogue isn’t bad, the characters are decently complex and compelling, and the actors are at their best. It’s even got some elements of psychological horror! I don’t know if I’d call it good, but it isn’t painful to watch. A perfectly passable film.

But then the movie throws that away for a nonsensical superhero plot. Complete with CGI monsters, winge-worthy dialogue, and a dumb villain who does dumb things. All the drama and character work goes out the window

Modern TV’s favorite young actors make an appearance here. Anya Taylor-Joy, Charlie Heaton, and Maisie Williams. And their performances are… not their best. Accents are all over the place and their line deliveries range from stiff to passable. Not to say it’s their fault; when the material is actually good, they’re not bad.

But when the material takes a nosedive into stupid town, you can tell they’re having a hard time of it.

The visuals are just as messy as the writing. All the teenage drama scenes are fairly well-shot and edited, with some creative visuals and decent special effects. But once it becomes a shlocky action movie, all of that falls apart, and we’re suddenly playing a PS2 game. And not one of the good-looking ones.

As for the music… there’s nothing really to say. It works decently well, but it isn’t particularly interesting or memorable. Kinda like the movie!

Honestly, I’m not even mad about this movie. I’m just disappointed. Dark teenage drama could’ve been a great direction to take the X-Men series! But what we got was a half-assed experiment that went straight in the wrong direction.

Thus does the X-Men series end. Not on a bang. Not even with a whimper. Just with a stumbling step forward, ending with a fall on its face.

Oh well. Guess I’ll just wait for Marvel to turn the series into another assembly line.

Hooray.