Is The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Any Good?

So long, Egypt. We’re tired of your dead people. It’s time to desecrate ancient Chinese burial grounds!

I was honestly kinda excited going into this one. What would the movie do with this change in location? Maybe they’d take inspiration from Xin Zhui or Lady Dai. This could have been an amazing change of pace!

What did we actually get? A hollow attempt to keep the series going. The Last Crusade, this is not.

Long ago, a brutal Chinese emperor and his army were cursed and sealed away. Flash forward to after World War II: Rick and Evelyn O’Connell ‘enjoy’ a peaceful, boring retirement while a grown-up Alex goes tomb-digging in China. Surprise! He unearths the ancient evil, accidentally unleashing it on the world. Now the O’Connell family must save the world once again.

Will this family never learn?

This really is just a more boring version of the third Indiana Jones movie. Estranged family drama? Check. World War II fascists trying to use an ancient artifact to conquer the world? Check. All they’re lacking is the humor, charisma, and good dialogue.

All the horror elements that made the first movie so unique and compelling is long gone. This is purely an action-adventure movie. As an adventure movie, it’s not terrible. As an action movie… we’ll get to that.

Also: the humor is terrible. All the cutting wit that made the first two movies so delightful is absent from this movie. Now, we’re stuck with childish slapstick and constant unfunny babbling.

Do we at least have a Mummy as memorable as Imhotep? Would that we were so lucky. The Emperor is completely devoid of personality or depth. A more generic movie villain you’d be hard pressed to find.

I could go on and on about how much of a mess this script is. For fuck’s sake, there’s a scene where one of our characters magically summons CGI yetis to save the day. No buildup, no foreshadowing. It’s just ‘they’re in Tibet, so there’s gotta be yetis!’

On the subject of CGI…

Visually speaking, this movie is yet another mixed bag. All the practical effects, sets, costumes, and cinematography look incredible. But somehow, this movie from 2007 has worse CGI than the two movies from nearly a decade earlier.

Just one problem: the action in this movie is terrible. In the first two movies, all the battle scenes were exceptionally well shot, making them engaging and exciting. Here? They’re riddled with fast cuts, shaking cameras, and slow-motion. Besides that, the camera is just too close to the characters to really capture any of it. It’s not exciting, it’s boring.

When it isn’t being embarrassing. Sorry, but the emperor spin-kicking a dragon firework is not cool.

Then there’s the sound. For some weird reason, this movie keeps using this weird digital cut-off sound to punctuate its terrible jokes. I’m not sure if they’re supposed to make the ‘humor’ funnier or what, but it gets old real quick.

The performances are a mixed bag. Brandan Fraser is as great as ever; the material is terrible, but he’s still working it with all the energy and charisma he can, which certainly elevates it. Isabelle Leong as Lin, however, is really flat and monotone (I blame the dialogue, not the actress.) Thankfully, they skew mostly towards the good.

Just… ignore the fact that Evelyn is a completely different person. They even made a joke about it in her first scene. To be fair, Maria Bello does a good job in the part.

Funny to think that both Brendan Fraser and Michelle Yeoh would both earn Oscars fifteen years after this movie. Good for them. They’re both phenomenal.

Is Tomb of the Dragon Emperor the worst movie ever? No, I wouldn’t say that. There’s more effort and life here than the average cash-grab sequel. It certainly doesn’t ruin the franchise.

That said: I wouldn’t exactly call this a great movie. You can still watch the first two Mummy movies and have a great time. This one? It wears its welcome out real quick. It’s not a complete waste of time, but you can definitely find a better use for two hours.

If nothing else, it’s a better watch than the reboot.

Aw, fuck me, I need to watch that now, don’t I?