Alright. Here it is. The bad Spider-Man movie. And not the fun kinda bad, like Spider-Man 3. I mean the bad kinda bad. But… is it really that bad? Or did this one just get the internet’s ire without deserving it?
Nah, this movie stinks.
It’s graduation time, and Peter Parker’s life as Spider-Man is at its peak. But things are about to get much harder for him. His relationship with Gwen is rocky, as he is… haunted by Captain Stacy… Meanwhile, his best friend Harry Osborn is dealing with… the… Osborn Family Curse, a disease that is now killing him, and Max Dillan falls into a vat of electric eels and becomes Electro.
Now, to be fair: this movie does have some fun scenes. The little montage of Peter doing Spider-Man things at the beginning is nice. And some scenes are so ridiculous that they loop right back around to being funny. This could be a fun film to watch drunk.
Because if you think about it for even ten seconds, the whole thing falls to pieces.
For example, Harry Osborn. The movie expects you to believe that he and Peter have been friends for years. Yet in the first movie, Peter didn’t seem to know anything at all about Oscorp. It wouldn’t be such an issue if their relationship wasn’t so damn important to the plot! As such, it makes the whole thing ring entirely hollow.
Max as a villain is also somehow even more laughable than the Lizard in the last movie. Most people think he became a bad guy because Spider-Man forgot his name. But no, the reason is even dumber! It’s because Spidey saves some dudes and all the screens in Times Square change to him from Electro. And that’s his whole reason for becoming a villain. That’s not just laughable, it’s pathetic!
Also, that design is just… awful. Most of the designs are. Like how the Green Goblin looks like a crackhead at the end. Although, in fairness, the Spidey suit looks better in this one than the last one.
Getting back to the plot, the pacing is atrocious. It’s an awkward juggling act of Peter and Gwen breaking up and getting back together and the occasional scene of our bad guys being bad, and Peter delving into the mystery behind his parents (that plot is somehow even worse than it was in the first movie). Some scenes simply serve no purpose beyond revealing information you already knew, and others feature character decisions that simply make no sense. It’s a total mess.
You know what else is a mess? The actors. I don’t know if it’s just poor direction, but they’re all over the place this time around. Andrew Garfield can’t seem to settle on an accent, so he just sort of slips from one to another. Sometimes in the same scene.
In terms of presentation, this movie isn’t awful. It has some decent shots and the special effects have aged fairly well. I’m not in love with the music, especially the insert songs. But at least the movie never made me want to claw my eyes out.
I can’t help but feel bad for all the people involved in this movie. It’s clear that they’re at least trying to make the movie good. But when you put all the pieces together, it just doesn’t work. Was it the director’s fault? The editors? The screenwriters? Was it Sony? Who knows?
No matter who was responsible, it doesn’t change the fact that Amazing Spider-Man 2 isn’t amazing. It isn’t a very enjoyable film, not unless you’re watching it ironically with a few friends and some drinks. Otherwise, I can’t recommend giving it your time.
But who knows? Maybe No Way Home will somehow change my mind. But I doubt it.
Yes, I still haven’t seen it. I’ll be fucked if I’m going to a gross movie theater during COVID times, okay? Leave me alone.