Category: Movies

Four movies left, ladies and gents. Unless you count Hop. Which I’m not, since it’s not fully animated. Sorry, hardcore Hop fans. Secret Life of Pets is a nice bit of refreshment after the last few Illumination movies. Not because it’s incredible, but simply because it isn’t offensively awful or obnoxious. It’s a perfectly fine,…

Yay! More ruined Suess stories! And just in time for Christmas! Just pretend this article came out a month ago… You know how the story goes. The Grinch is a grumpy old Scrooge who hates Christmas so he decides to ruin it. Hijinks ensue before he learns the true meaning of the holiday and becomes…

We’re finally done with Minions! Now we get to talk about how Illumination takes beloved children book classics and absolutely butchers them on a fundamental level! This is still somehow an improvement! I’m running out of straws to grasp and we’re not even halfway done, please help me. The Lorax is one of my favorite…

No more Minions. Please, for the love of all that is holy, please don’t make me deal with these things again. If I ever see one beyond the studio logo at the start, it’ll be too soon. Minions: The Rise of Gru is a movie. By which I mean it’s exactly what you’d expect from…

Happy New Year! Welcome back to hell! I can no longer hear Minion noises. All I hear is someone banging on my skull with a baseball bat. Or maybe that’s just the echo of me banging my head against my desk; it’s hard to tell. Minions is a movie made for aunts on Facebook and…