Happy New Year! Welcome back to hell!
I can no longer hear Minion noises. All I hear is someone banging on my skull with a baseball bat. Or maybe that’s just the echo of me banging my head against my desk; it’s hard to tell.
Minions is a movie made for aunts on Facebook and little babies. It’s loud, it’s obnoxious, and it’s juvenile. Half the god damn dialogue is literally Minion gibberish. For its target audience, I’m sure it’s hilarious!
For literally anyone else, it’s nothing short of torture.
Set before the events of Despicable Me, this movie focuses on, you guessed it, the Minions. Being natural servants, they seek out an evil mastermind to guide them. Over the years, they’ve served many influential historical villains. Now, they need to find new employment. Hijinks ensue.
So we all agree that Minions served the Nazis, right?
This story isn’t anything special. Even if you’ve never seen the first Despicable Me, you’ll know everything that happens before it ever happens. Nothing interesting or memorable happens. It’s just a series of Minion jokes, then the movie ends exactly how you think it will end.
Thankfully, the Minions aren’t the only characters in the movie. We have actual human characters who say actual dialogue in an actual language. Unfortunately, none of those characters are actually… you know, good. They’re just as insufferable as the Minions.
But again: this is what I’m saying because I’m a male in my twenties who doesn’t use Facebook. I’m hardly the movie’s target audience.
I can literally copy-paste everything I’ve said about the animation in previous articles into this one. It’s exactly the same. The same style we saw in Despicable Me 1 all those years ago. Nothing has changed or improved. It’s the exact. Same! Thing! Again!
Even the music hasn’t changed! Again, it’s generic insert songs chosen without effort and generic orchestral backing tracks that you’ll forget about the instant they’re gone! No effort has been put into any of it! It has zero creativity, zero style and no soul!
Pardon me, I might be losing my mind.
I really didn’t like this movie. It’s lazy, it’s annoying, and it feels soulless. Watching this one was a huge pain. One that I wouldn’t recommend to anyone beyond it’s obvious target audience.
And we still. Have. One. More. To go.
Make it stop, please, God, make it stop…