Minions: The Rise of Gru Made Me Hate Movies

No more Minions. Please, for the love of all that is holy, please don’t make me deal with these things again. If I ever see one beyond the studio logo at the start, it’ll be too soon.

Minions: The Rise of Gru is a movie. By which I mean it’s exactly what you’d expect from Illumination. It’s loud, it’s obnoxious, the animation is exactly the same quality as it was over ten years ago, and the music is bland. After suffering through four movies just like it prior to this, sitting through this one was painful.

An eleven-year-old Gru seeks to join the supervillain team, the Vicious 6. When his audition goes horribly wrong, he steals the stone that they had just stolen from their former leader, Wild Knuckles. Unfortunately, the Minion he entrusted it to sold the stone for a pet rock. Worse still, Gru is kidnapped by Knuckles. Now the Minions need to find the stone, save Gru, and defeat the baddies. Hijinks and headaches ensue.

Pointless is the word I’d use to describe this prequel. It doesn’t do anything unique or interesting or even all that entertaining. It’s just a dumb kids movie with a dumb kid version of Gru and more Minion shenanigans.

And I. Am so done. With Minion shenanigans.

The plot plays out exactly how you’d expect. Once the setup is done, we’re bombarded with roughly an hours worth of ‘funny’ hijinks before the bad guys are defeated and the story ends. If you’re looking for any sort of character arcs to emotionally invest yourself in or anything that will surprise you, this is not the movie for you. It’s as cookie-cutter as it gets.

As for the animation, it is once again more of the same. It hasn’t improved or changed a lick since the first Despicable Me movie. If you like that style, then I’m sure you’ll be happy. But I desperately need something new! I feel like I’ve been eating the same meal for every meal for the last month!

Music wise, it is the same story we’ve already told four times. Generic orchestral and lackluster insert songs. You know the drill.

I can’t stand this movie. It’s everything I don’t like in cinema. A completely generic film with no creativity behind it whatsoever. A product manufactured to capitalize off of small children and Facebook aunts. It’s a miserable viewing experience that I never want to repeat again.

Can you tell that watching this put me in a bad mood?

God, this marathon just won’t end…

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