Ranking All the X-Men Movies

Oh, wow, I just remembered that I’ve already done this before! But I hadn’t seen New Mutants – I don’t think it was out at that point – so this is fine. Besides, my opinions on the series have changed quite a bit.

The Fox X-Men series was one helluva rollercoaster. You’ve got amazing films, you’ve got boring films, and films that are so unbelievably bad that you’ll hardly believe they were written by real people. Consistency is not this franchise’s super power.

It also makes ranking the movies pretty easy.

Starting from the top: Logan. Surprise! The movie that is an actually incredible movie sits at the top of the list! Seriously, Logan is so good that it isn’t fair to other comic book movies. It’s hard even putting it in the same genre! If you haven’t seen it, go watch it!

All the movies in the ‘Really Good’ tier are what I’d consider perfect X-Men movies. Each one is a fantastic character drama about prejudice that just so happens to feature superpowers and spandex. If you’re looking for comic book goofiness minus the Marvel quips, then these are the movies for you.

Why Days of Future Past and Logan weren’t the last two, I’ll never understand.

X-Men 1 sits in the enjoyable tier because it’s just that. Enjoyable. It’s simple, it’s dated, and it’s kinda dumb. But it’s fun! If you want something as dated and cheesy as cheddar, check this one out.

Next: the ones that were almost good. These two movies were rock solid and well made movies… up until the last act. At that point, they fell flat on their face. Into a pile of cow dung. Then proceeded to spontaneously combust. They’re more disappointing than terrible.

Unlike the next tier. These movies are bad. They’re boring, they’re half-baked, and they look terrible. You can’t even make fun of them with some friends and drinks! They’re just boring!

Finally, we have the worst of the worst: X3 and Wolverine Origins. These movies are UNBELIEVABLY bad!! They’re hideous to look at, the plot makes no sense, and the dialogue is awful! Nothing about these movies works!

But at the very least, you can get drunk and laugh at them. That’s something, right?

So that’s it. Those were the X-Men movies. It may not have always been a good franchise, but I still love it. From my early childhood to my late teenage years, the best films of this series have given me some wonderful memories. And the worst have at least given me a laugh.

Now, you may have noticed a few movies are missing. Two of them, to be exact. Both starring a fan-favorite foul-mouthed mercenary. Why not?

Because the third one is coming out and I need something to do in the weeks prior. Patience, friends. All in due time.