Dinosaurs: No, I’m Not Joking (Best of the Bestiary)

Want to throw your players for a complete loop? Just throw one of these guys at them! I once attacked my party with a T-Rex and my players were so confused that they forced me to show them the page and prove that I wasn’t making it up. They then shrunk the beast’s skull down and used it as a tool for intimidation.

I miss that campaign every day…

Now, technically there are six dinosaurs in this segment. But all of them are so light on lore and stats that I figured it’d be best to lump them all in together. Plus, only two of them have proper artwork attached, so I won’t be talking about their designs (they’re fantasy dinosaurs; if you’ve seen Jurassic Park, you already know what they look like). So this one shouldn’t take too long.

Thank God. I’ll have some variety before I talk about Dragons for twenty weeks.

Lore wise, these guys basically have none beyond being old reptiles. Each individual dinosaur’s flavor text just explains how they look and how they function; how fast they run, how they eat, etc. There is literally no potential for storytelling with what is given here. These guys are fodder enemies, meant to give the party something to kill while traveling between places.

Which… I mean… they do that job well, I suppose.

There are six of these guys in total, between the Allosaurus, Ankylosaurus, Plesiosaurus, Triceratops, Pteranodon, and the T-Rex. But in terms of stats, they’re all fairly similar. The only one with an AC higher than 13 is the Ankylosaurus and the only one that can attack more than once is the T-Rex. Their HP ranges wildly, as well as their damage numbers, so there’s plenty to set them apart.

Neither the Allosaurus nor the Ankylosaurus is all that dangerous, though they can do some serious damage given their levels. The Plesiosaurus is in the same boat, but it’s restricted to water, so you won’t use it that often (I managed to use it once and it was a ton of fun; I one-hit KO’d the party Paladin and he got really mad). The Pteranodon is so weak that even a level one wizard wouldn’t have a problem killing it. The only truly powerful ones are the Triceratops and the T-Rex. But even then, neither one will pose any challenge beyond a Level 5 party.

Sadly, you can’t really do anything interesting with a dinosaur fight. They boil down to ‘dinosaur shows up, the party fights it, move on’. Ultimately, the only real purpose of these monsters is to give the players something to kill. Unfortunately, it shows.

Is it cool to have dinosaurs in Dungeons and Dragons? Oh, fuck yeah! Unfortunately, they lack any substance beyond that. They’re just dinosaurs, plucked from real-life history and put into the game. There’s nothing creative or interesting beyond that.

With all that in mind, let’s put the dinosaurs on the Best of the Bestiary!

  1. Beholder
  2. Death Tyrant
  3. Couatl
  4. Behir
  5. Aboleth
  6. Chuul
  7. Chimera
  8. Death Knight
  9. Bone Devil
  10. Ankheg
  11. Shadow Demon
  12. Marilith
  13. Aarackockra
  14. Azer
  15. Demilich
  16. Spectator
  17. Cambion
  18. Animated Armor
  19. Banshee
  20. Basilisk
  21. Yochlol
  22. Bulette
  23. Cloaker
  24. Darkmantle
  25. Pit Fiend
  26. Erinyes
  27. Chain Devil
  28. Bearded Devil
  29. Barbed Devil
  30. Spined Devil
  31. Ice Devil
  32. Nalfeshnee
  33. Glabrezu
  34. Chasme
  35. Barlgura
  36. Horned Devil
  37. Balor
  38. Vrock
  39. Dretch
  40. Goristro
  41. Hezrou
  42. Manes
  43. Quasit
  44. Planetar
  45. Imp
  46. Carrion Crawler
  47. Rug of Smothering
  48. Bugbear Chief
  49. Bugbear
  50. Vine Blight
  51. Twig Blight
  52. Needle Blight
  53. Bullywug
  54. Cockatrice
  55. Lemure
  56. Solar
  57. Deva
  58. Cyclops
  59. Centaur
  60. Dinosaurs (All six of them) <——
  61. Flying Sword
  62. Crawling Claw

I grouped them all together because there isn’t enough to set them apart in any way. They all have extremely similar flavor text, stats, so on and so forth. As fun as they are, they don’t have any merit to put them any higher on the list.

In this series, I look for creativity in every aspect. Unfortunately, these guys don’t have it in any.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: