Best of the Beastiary, D&D

Devils Part 10: Lemure (Best of the Bestiary)

And now, we reach the bottom of the food chain.

A Lemure is born when a mortal soul, twisted by evil, is banished to the Nine Hells for eternity. They are the lowest form of life in the Nine Hells, a shapeless, repugnant monster doomed to suffer an eternity of torment if they can’t earn a promotion. But given their hideous forms and lack of power, that is a herculean task.

Once again, you can’t do anything big with that. You could do some smaller things, like have a villain the party slew a while back show up in the Nine Hells as a Lemure. But if you want to tell a compelling story, you’d best look higher up on the food chain than this guy. He is literally the most disposable fodder enemy in this entire section.

And you can tell just by looking at it.

Design: Kill… Me…

This thing is designed to be the most miserable creature in existence. Everything, from the lore to the stats, goes into selling this idea. And none do so more than the design. I mean… just fucking look at this monstrosity!

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This thing just screams pain and misery! Just look at its face! If that eye doesn’t scream “Please murder me”, then I don’t know what does! That disproportionate, goopy, twisted body, the uneven, toothless mouth, and bulging chest just look painful! It’s like if Nemesis from RE3 was created just to scream instead of being an unstoppable murder machine!

Although it is significantly less badass than Nemesis. But that should go without saying.

It looks well and truly pathetic. Which is a good design choice; it perfectly reflects both the flavor text and the combat stats. So, in that regard, this design is an A+!

Speaking of combat!

Stats: The Least Threatening Unkillable Foe of All Time

*Fierce, uncontrollable laughter* Are you kidding me? Challenge level zero?! How is that even possible?! I thought the lowest was one-fourth?!

This thing is easily the weakest monster we’ve ever talked about. It’s AC is in the single digits and its HP is just above the ten range. It’s immune to fire and poison, as well as resistant to cold damage, but let’s be real: a party at the level to fight one of these things won’t be using any of those things. Its only attack, a basic punch, can only deal 2(1d4) bludgeoning damage. It’s about as threatening as a wet paper towel!

The only really tricky thing about this monster is the Hellish Rejuvenation ability. Should a Lemure die within the Nine Hells, it will come back to life with full HP. Sounds threatening, right? Well, it isn’t when you realize that it takes 1d10 days. Not minutes, no hours. Days. So by the time it comes back, it won’t be any threat to the party. Not that it ever was.

But if you’re a perfectionist, you could use Bless or sprinkle the corpse with Holy Water to permanently kill it. That’s an option.

The only real thing you can do with a combat encounter starring a Lemure is to make the party feel bad. But considering what kind of characters people often play during D&D (those being heartless sociopaths), you probably won’t succeed at that. This thing is fodder, pure and simple. It’s designed to be worthless in every way. And in that effort, they’ve succeeded completely.

Conclusion

Yo, this monster fucking sucks. It doesn’t have interesting lore and it can’t make for a good fight. The best thing about it is the design. It’s a useless piece in the armies of the Nine Hells and it’s equally useless for a dungeon master. It’s complete trash through and through.

With all that in mind, let’s put the Lemure on the Best of the Bestiary!

  1. Beholder
  2. Death Tyrant
  3. Couatl
  4. Behir
  5. Aboleth
  6. Chuul
  7. Chimera
  8. Death Knight
  9. Bone Devil
  10. Ankheg
  11. Shadow Demon
  12. Marilith
  13. Aarackockra
  14. Azer
  15. Demilich
  16. Spectator
  17. Cambion
  18. Animated Armor
  19. Banshee
  20. Basilisk
  21. Yochlol
  22. Bulette
  23. Cloaker
  24. Darkmantle
  25. Erinyes
  26. Chain Devil
  27. Bearded Devil
  28. Barbed Devil
  29. Ice Devil
  30. Nalfeshnee
  31. Glabrezu
  32. Chasme
  33. Barlgura
  34. Horned Devil
  35. Balor
  36. Vrock
  37. Dretch
  38. Goristro
  39. Hezrou
  40. Manes
  41. Quasit
  42. Planetar
  43. Imp
  44. Carrion Crawler
  45. Rug of Smothering
  46. Bugbear Chief
  47. Bugbear
  48. Vine Blight
  49. Twig Blight
  50. Needle Blight
  51. Bullywug
  52. Cockatrice
  53. Lemure <———–
  54. Solar
  55. Deva
  56. Cyclops
  57. Centaur
  58. Flying Sword
  59. Crawling Claw

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