Best of the Beastiary, D&D

Demons Part 6: Glabrezu (Best of the Bestiary)

When you look at the Glabrezu, one thing comes to find: what the fuck? Like seriously, what the fuck am I looking at? Is it like a minotaur-crab-chicken thing? So, confused, you go to look at the flavor text. And then you only get more confused.

While the other demons we’ve discussed so far have been pretty straight-forward, the Glabrezu is anything but. Unlike other demons, the Glabrezu is more than willing to work with whatever foolish human summons it. They’ll use sweet words and temptations of riches to blindside humans, luring those foolish enough to try summoning it into a horrible trap. Should the humans wise up before said trap can be sprung, it has more than enough power to take what it wants with force.

Also unlike the previous demons, this one works decently well outside of an entirely demonic plotline. A Glabrezu could work as the central force of its own story. Granted, these stories are harshly limited to a long sidequest or an introductory quest for the demonic campaign. It won’t be starring in any campaigns anytime soon.

It also won’t be winning any beauty pageants. But there aren’t many demons who will do that.

Design: Quad-Arms the Minotaur

Well, at least the team put their imagination caps on with this thing. Problem is, they forgot when to take said caps off.

Glabrezu-5e.jpg
This thing would reach ‘maximum awesome’ status, if not for those tiny bitch arms. Pretty sure I could beat this thing in arm-wrestling.

This monster gets major points for creativity. There isn’t any creature quite like this, neither in the monster manual or fantasy in general. Sure, the head is very minotaur-like, the beefy arms are crab-like, and the feet are… whatever the fuck those feet are. But put all the pieces together, and you get a complete, one-of-a-kind monster!

But here’s where we run into a problem. You see, according to the flavor text, this monster is a greedy trickster. Tell me: what part of that gives you trickster vibes?

None. Not one part of that thing looks like a deceptive liar. It seems like the kind of demon that would break down your door, dunk your head in a toilet and scream “WHERE’S MY MONEY, LEBOWSKI?!”

Total score? A+ for creativity. D- for clearness.

Stats: A Tricky Sledgehammer

This thing is simultaneously a deceptive, slippery spellcaster and a beefy damage dealer. So buyer beware when you’re fighting this crazy son of a bitch! Cause he is a crazy bastard!

In terms of defenses, this thing is crazy! The AC sits at a high 17, making hitting it a tad difficult. Worse yet, it has a ton of HP to back it up, along with some crazy high movement speed! Killing this thing will take some serious time!

And avoiding getting killed will take some creativity. As well as patience.

This thing can cast the following spells: darkness, detect magic, dispel magic, confusion, fly (because some psychotic bastard thought ‘Yeah, let’s make it fly!’) and power word stun. None of these spells do any damage, but they all make fighting this thing damn tricky! Fighting this thing could prove to be a huge pain in the ass, especially if you don’t have any magic to deal with its trickier abilities.

Oh yeah, did I mention this thing hits like a speeding semi-truck? Because it does. And it’s scary.

This thing can make four attacks in one turn: two with its pincers and two with its fists or two pincer attacks with one spell. Not only can the pincer grapple its victims, but it also deals 16(2d10+5) damage. Then there are the fists, which can deal 7(2d4+2) damage. So, in total, if you are rolling really fucking well as the DM, this thing can deal a grand total of 116 points of damage.

Bit of advice to DMs using this monster in their campaigns! Do. Not. Roll. Well.

A fight with a Glabrezu will require a lot of thought and creativity on the part of the players. If they aren’t careful or utilize more powerful tactics than ‘hit it till it dies’, it is unlikely that they’ll kill it.

And highly likely that it’ll kill them.

Conclusion

This thing is far from the best monster we’ve discussed in the book. I mean, it’s kind of hard to beat the mother fucking Beholder. But when compared to all the other demons we’ve seen? He is easily the best.

With all that in mind, let’s put the Glabrezu on the Best of the Bestiary!

  1. Beholder
  2. Death Tyrant
  3. Couatl
  4. Behir
  5. Aboleth
  6. Chuul
  7. Chimera
  8. Death Knight
  9. Ankheg
  10. Aarackockra
  11. Azer
  12. Demilich
  13. Spectator
  14. Cambion
  15. Animated Armor
  16. Banshee
  17. Basilisk
  18. Bulette
  19. Cloaker
  20. Darkmantle
  21. Glabrezu <———-
  22. Chasme
  23. Barlgura
  24. Balor
  25. Dretch
  26. Planetar
  27. Carrion Crawler
  28. Rug of Smothering
  29. Bugbear Chief
  30. Bugbear
  31. Vine Blight
  32. Twig Blight
  33. Needle Blight
  34. Bullywug
  35. Cockatrice
  36. Solar
  37. Deva
  38. Cyclops
  39. Centaur
  40. Flying Sword
  41. Crawling Claw

The Glabrezu is certainly the most interesting demon we’ve discussed so far. However, while its design is certainly very creative, it lacks clarity. Thankfully, it’s made up for by interesting lore (at least by demon standards) and stats that encourage creativity on the part of the players.

For demons? This thing is fantastic. By the standards of the whole book? It’s just okay.

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