Best of the Beastiary, D&D

Demons Part 5: Dretch (Best of the Bestiary)

These things are just fucking millennials. But stupid and worthless. And demonic.

No seriously, just look at the flavor text! They’re hideous, self-loathing creatures who are, and I quote, ‘doomed to spend eternity in a state of perpetual discontent’ (which may be the single funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life). They make up for their lack of potential with malice. They travel in groups, voicing their displeasure through hoots, snarls and grunts.

Which is all the lore they have. They spent their efforts to make a demonic millenial in D&D. If that isn’t a passive-aggressive move, then I don’t know what is.

The design certainly doesn’t help.

Design: Ugh

Well, their lore does dictate that they are nasty. Now if only it dictated that it were interesting!

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It’s like an uncomfortable monkey.

What this design has in creativity it lacks in effectiveness. Though to be fair, there isn’t much of a story to tell with the Dretch. It’s a hideous, repulsive monster. You can look at it and see that it’s a demon. But aside from that, there’s not much to talk about.

It’s unique, but it’s boring. That is all. Moving on.

Stats: Baby’s First Demon

They mentioned this thing was the weakest of the demons. And I can safely say they weren’t lying! I doubt even the lowest level party would have a hard time killing this thing!

Stat wise, this thing is pitiful. Its AC is easily breached and its HP is so low that it could be killed in a matter of moments. It has the typical demonic resistances (cold, fire, and lightning) which could make it a bit more time-consuming for a magic-focused character. It has immunity to poison, but let’s be real: who’s going to try poisoning a demon? Still, even with those, this thing is far from difficult to kill.

Damage wise, it doesn’t pose much of a threat. It can make two attacks, one with its bite and one with its claws. The bite can deal 3(1d6) damage and the claws can deal 5(2d4) damage, making its maximum damage output 22 HP. It’s enough to frighten a level one wizard, but not anyone else.

The Dretch’s most dangerous ability is its Fetid Cloud, which it can use once a day. Should anyone within range of it fail a DC 11 saving throw (not a difficult number to beat) is poisoned. And that’s it. That’s it’s most dangerous move.

This thing sucks. You can murder the shit out of it with little to no effort. It’s a complete pushover who only serves the purpose of being an introductory monster for a demonic themed campaign.

Though I suppose it could be fun fodder for a higher level party. There’s something so satisfying about one-hit killing something.

Conclusion

The Dretch is probably the most boring monster in the demon section. It doesn’t have interesting lore, its design is lackluster, and it can’t make for a challenging or interesting fight. I’d bet you five bucks that I forget what this monster is the moment I close the book and wrap up this review.

With all that in mind, let’s put the Dretch on the Best of the Bestiary!

  1. Beholder
  2. Death Tyrant
  3. Couatl
  4. Behir
  5. Aboleth
  6. Chuul
  7. Chimera
  8. Death Knight
  9. Ankheg
  10. Aarackockra
  11. Azer
  12. Demilich
  13. Spectator
  14. Cambion
  15. Animated Armor
  16. Banshee
  17. Basilisk
  18. Bulette
  19. Cloaker
  20. Darkmantle
  21. Chasme
  22. Barlgura
  23. Balor
  24. Dretch <——–
  25. Planetar
  26. Carrion Crawler
  27. Rug of Smothering
  28. Bugbear Chief
  29. Bugbear
  30. Vine Blight
  31. Twig Blight
  32. Needle Blight
  33. Bullywug
  34. Cockatrice
  35. Solar
  36. Deva
  37. Cyclops
  38. Centaur
  39. Flying Sword
  40. Crawling Claw

The Dretch does have some semblance of creativity to its design, which is enough to put it over the bottom monsters of this list. Unfortunately, it doesn’t even come close to outdoing its demonic brothers. It is a bore through and through.

But there’s still hope. We should be getting to the Demon Lords soon. Hopefully we’ll get to the fun stuff soon!

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