Daily Rant, Marvel, MCU-Thon, Movies

Day 338: Ranking the Marvel Cinematic Universe

To bring our marathon of the MCU to an end, we’re gonna do my favorite thing in the world: list making! Everyone loves those! Especially when they completely agree with them!

Let’s cut to it and get straight to the bottom of this list, which you can probably guess with little issue: The Incredible Hulk.

The_Incredible_Hulk_poster

This movie sucks. It looks like ass, the script is shit, the actors are doing a terrible job, and worst of all: it’s completely pointless. Literally the only redeeming aspect of this film is the score, which is oddly fantastic. Even if you’re a Marvel fan, skip it and never watch it.

Next up, we have the second worst film in the series. You can probably guess it as well. I am of course talking about Thor: The Dark World.

268x0w

Boooooooooriiiiiiing! This is easily the most forgettable film in the whole MCU. Nothing about it stands out, and none of it is at all interesting. For the love of fucking god, never watch this one. The sooner I can stop talking about it, the happier I’ll be.

Third worst, we have yet another phase one movie: Iron Man 2.

MV5BMTM0MDgwNjMyMl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNTg3NzAzMw@@._V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_

It’s funny how many of these early Marvel movies are total snore fests. This movie feels completely pointless in the grand scheme of things. It’s boring at the best of times and aggravating at the worst. You can go ahead and watch this one if you want a good sleep aide. Aside from that, stay away from it.

How many more of these do I have to sift through before we get to the good shit? The answer is more than I’d like, as now we need to talk about the first Thor movie.

Thor_poster

The only redeeming thing about this movie is the inclusion of Loki. Aside from that, I can’t stand this movie. Thor doesn’t become a fun or interesting character until Ragnarok, and none of his supporting cast are any better. You will miss nothing if you see this one.

Our next film is one of the only remaining Phase 1 movies (funny how those are the worst, huh?) is Captain America: The First Avenger.

Captain_America_The_First_Avenger_poster

The first half of this movie is great. It’s a fun and emotional character study of Steve Rogers, one of my personal favorite characters in the series in terms of personality. If the movie stuck to that, it’d have been way higher on the list. But the second half completely falls apart, transforming into one of the worst action movies that I’ve ever seen. The only redeeming feature of the latter half is the fantastic ending. But fun fact: you can watch that online without having to sit through the rest of this crap.

Next up, we have Ant-Man and the Wasp.

Ant-Man_and_the_Wasp_poster

I regret having seen this movie. Those two hours of my life could’ve been spent doing something else. Aside from the fun shrinking/growing visual effects and one fun scene, there is nothing here worth any substance. Look up the scene where the others turn to dust, then go do something else with your time.

Now, following that up, we have Ant-Man 1.

Ant-Man_poster

This movie could’ve been truly fantastic. However, the change in directors ultimately hurt the product more than helped. There are some fun action set pieces, such as the fight on the toy train, and the visuals are fun and unique. You won’t be hurting yourself by seeing it, but you can watch something else with more substance.

Coming up next, we have our first Avengers film on the list: Age of Ultron!

Avengers_Age_of_Ultron_poster

This movie has a few fun moments and well written character moments, but it’s bogged down heavily by a lack of tension, some annoying humor, and action so sloppy and confusing that it can induce a head ache. It’s a fun movie to watch once, but the more you watch it, the more you’ll realize it’s flaws. Watch this one once, then never look back.

Which can also be applied to the next film: Civil War.

Captain_America_Civil_War_poster

This movie gives us the first truly good live-action Spider-Man. If not for that, this would be way lower on the list. The action is nauseating, and the lack of tension completely ruins the whole story. Look up the Spider-Man scenes and watch nothing else. Unless you really like Captain America.

Luckily, we can now talk about the one really good Captain America movie: The Winter Soldier.

Captain_America_The_Winter_Soldier

The story telling here is tight as hell, and the dialogue is fantastic. It’s just bogged down by lackluster action and uninteresting villains. Aside from that, it’s a ton of fun to watch. Give this one a watch if you like fun.

Oh god, now it’s time to be called racist again by putting Black Panther here.

Black_Panther_film_poster

This movie has some strong themes and an interesting villain. However, it’s highly dragged down by terrible visual effects, lackluster pacing, and some terrible action scenes (which is another theme of this series). How the fuck did this get nominated for an Oscar?

Oh right. Hollywood is afraid of being white.

Now get ready, cause it’s time to go back to the beginning with Iron Man 1!

Ironmanposter

This makes a solid start to the whole MCU. The first two acts are fantastic, even if the third blows (which is the story for many Marvel movies, now that I think about them) The special effects have aged pretty well (and look far better than Black Panther, which is pretty sad) and they make it a ton of fun to watch when combined with the decently solid action. Going back to it now with the current context is pretty fun.

But good god, that third act is bad. Watch the first two acts, then skip to the end credits scene when Jeff Bridges starts being evil.

Alright! Now it’s time to do some drugs and have fun! It’s Doctor Strange!

268x0w

Story wise, this one is incredibly standard. But what pushes it above that, at least for me, is the incredible visuals and Benjamin Cucumber’s fantastic acting. On top of that, the climactic final battle is actually super creative and fun! Get high or drunk (within safe and legal means) and watch this with some friends. You’ll have a great time.

Following this up is likely the one that will get me hanged: Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 1.

Guardians_of_the_Galaxy_poster

This movie is damn good. It’s got some creative visuals, terrific dialogue and characters, and some great settings. Plus, that fucking music is fantastic! The villain is poor, but that’s the standard at this point. This one being down here is entirely down to personal preference. I’d say go watch it, but I get the feeling that you already have several times.

Next, it’s time to talk about the only Thor movie that I like: Ragnarok.

Thor_Ragnarok_poster

This movie fixed Thor for me. For the first time, I actually gave a shit about him as a character. Aside from that, the rest of the movie is pretty standard Marvel fare, though I do like the visuals a bit. Definitely give this a watch if you haven’t yet.

Up next is another one that will probably make some people mad at me: Iron Man 3.

Iron-Man-3-LARGE

I will defend this movie to my dying breath. The action is super fun, the character writing is pure fucking gold, and the dialogue is genuinely funny in several spots. I love the Mandarin being a different character, even if all y’all hate that with a fiery passion. If the cinematography were more interesting and the true villains were better written, this might be the top of the list. If you watched this one and hated it, I’d recommend you give it another go. You might just enjoy it more than you remember.

Coming up next, we have the one that put this series on the map: Avengers 1.

TheAvengers2012Poster

This movie feels cheap as hell, what with it’s TV movie quality cinematography and lighting. It’s corny as hell, featuring some of the cheesiest comic book dialogue in the whole MCU. Plus, the action is as lackluster as ever. But despite all that, this movie came out on top in the end.

The actors are doing a fantastic job from start to end. Their chemistry with one another is fucking incredible, and their synergy in combat is a joy to watch. It’s enjoyable from beginning to end. Go watch this again if you’re in the mood for a good time.

On the subject of good times, let’s talk about Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2.

220px-Guardians_of_the_Galaxy_Vol_2_poster

This movie is just as fun as the first, with a few small improvements that made me much happier. I prefer the musical choices in this movie over the first, and Ego is a far more interesting villain than Ronan. Plus, any movie that has me crying like a baby at the end is a good movie in my book.

Now, coming up in second place is a movie you likely saw coming if you know me: Spider-Man Homecoming.

Spider-Man_Homecoming_poster

Anything that gives me more Tom Holland as Spider-Man is good in my book. The dialogue is sublime, the villain is truly fantastic, and it’s a ton of fun to watch from start to end. If you weren’t sold on Tom Holland before, this one will undoubtedly do so. And if it didn’t, then I… really don’t know what to tell you.

And the pen ultimate Marvel movie is… Infinity War.

Avengers_Infinity_War_poster

Come on. You knew this would be here. I fucking love this movie. It has some of the most fun action in the series, the villain is truly fantastic, and the story is perfectly written and paced. It will take a lot for any other Marvel movie to surpass this for me.

With that, we’re done. There are no more movies in the MCU for me to talk about. Now I can finally rest and talk about something else.

Until Captain Marvel comes out. And Endgame comes out the next month. And Spider-Man: Far From Home comes out three months later. And whatever comes after that comes out a month or two afterwards.

Oh god, this series will never end.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s