Daily Rant, Marvel, MCU-Thon, Movies

Day 319: THORoughly Boring

Directed By: Kenneth Branagh
Written By: Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz
Release Date: May 6th, 2011
Run Time: 1h 55m
Link to IMDb

Before we begin, I’d like to tell a little story. I watched a large number of these in a batch with a friend. In between me taking notes, the two of us would chide in and make jokes, as we’ve already seen them. Y’know, like friends do. I’d like to transcribe the only real interaction we had in this movie.

Me: *Not so gentle snoring*
Friend: *Slaps my shoulder* Fucker, wake up!
Me: *Still ninety percent asleep* No… Not until things happen…
Friend: Things did happen!
Me: What things?
Friend: Um… Well… Thor broke a mug…
Me: Uh huh… *nodding off again*
Friend: Oh! Hawkeye showed up and didn’t do anything!
Me: Neat…
Friend: Uh… Stan Lee drove a truck, I guess.
Me: What a legend… *falls back asleep for the rest of the movie*

Thanks again for taking notes for me, dude.

Of all the Marvel movies, this is the one I can’t stand watching. At least with Incredible Hulk I can poke fun of just how terrible it is! Thor is just… so… boring…

*Snore* Ugh! Sorry, I’m nodding off just thinking about it!

There are many reasons for this movie to be so dull. The visuals, the story, even the dialogue is boring! Still, it does have a few charming additions. And by a few, I mean one. You probably know what I’m about to say.

Loki.

He’s easily the best part of this movie. He’s charming, Tom Hiddleston is a great actor, and he has actual motivations behind his actions. At long last! We have a good Marvel movie villain! It’s just a shame that he kept getting dragged back over and over instead of having new interesting villains appear.

At least not until Guardians 2, but we’ll get there later.

Aside from him, there isn’t anything in this movie I like. At the same time, there’s nothing I hate with a fiery passion. It’s just… so dull and forgettable! Nothing stands out as anything spectacular, and the writing ranges from bland to bad.

The worst of it is the dialogue. If it’s not forced exposition, it’s forced and unfunny comedy. It suffers from two things I loathe in any story: explaining the magic and ‘Tell, don’t Show’. For example, when Thor is talking to his ‘friends’ in Asgard, he regales them with tales of their many adventures with each other over the years. Do we get to see any of it? Nope. Can’t Thor’s powers just be magical? Nope, we need to have him explain the science of it to Natalie Portman.

And then there are the establishing shots. These really shouldn’t be an issue, but good god they can be annoying! Why? Simple: mother fucking Dutch AnglesI fucking hate these stupid angles. It takes a lot to make me actually like them, and this movie does not do a lot.

Aside from all that, there’s really nothing worth talking about. It’s got the same issues of the other Marvel movies up to this point, except now: it’s not entertaining and good or incompetent on every level. Now it’s just boring and forgettable.

Luckily, the next film is a huge step up! That’s right, we get to talk about Avengers! Hell yeah, now we’re getting into the-

What? What do you mean there’s another one before that? Captain America? You mean the Winter Soldier wasn’t the first Captain America?!

Ugh… Here we go, then…

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