Directed By: Jon Favreau
Written By: Justin Theroux
Release Date: May 7th, 2010
Run Time: 2h 4m
Link to IMDb
God this movie’s fucking boring! Good lord, getting through this one was a chore and a half! Which is kind of a shame, as it introduces a lot of things that would affect the MCU at large. And by things, I mostly mean characters. And by characters, I mean Black Widow and War Machine.
You know, it doesn’t sound so significant when I say it aloud, does it?
I’m having a hard time talking about this movie simply because there’s so little worth talking about! The plot is dull and uninteresting at best, and downright infuriating at worst. This may seem like nitpicking, but that scene where the government yells at Tony for having Iron Man suits and immediately backing down when he tells them that he’s the only one who can make them pisses me off. I know a number of you aren’t American, but if you know literally anything about the grand old US of A, then you’ll know one simple thing.
That is the furthest thing from how it actually works that you can get.
I guess I could talk about Mickey Rourke’s character. He’s got some cool electric whip weapons, I suppose. And we all know the memes of him wanting his bird back. But that’s about it. He’s one of the weakest villains in the whole MCU, and he can’t even make it as an unintentionally hilarious character.
And then there’s the other villain: Sam Rockwell’s character. Who may be the actual worst villain in the MCU! I am not captivated or intimidated by this man. Every scene he’s in just makes me want to punch him in the face. And, while I will be the first to admit that I’m full of anger and hate, it takes a lot to make me want to hit someone as much as I wanted to hit him. The sooner I forget about him, the happier I will be.
I also really don’t like Black Widow. Not in this movie, and not in any of the ones that come afterwards. She’s never been that interesting to me, and I doubt that will ever change. Everyone wants her to get her own movie, and while I wouldn’t mind it existing, I’d certainly not care to see it.
However, to be positive, there is one character I like: War Machine. I think he’s cool. In fact, I’m gonna drop a hot take and say he looks cooler than Iron Man.
I really don’t have anything else to say about this movie. The plot introduces some main stay characters, but it’s inconsequential overall. There’s nothing of worth to even talk about in this movie. It’s boring from beginning to end, and you’d miss almost nothing by skipping it.
Now, there is one thing I do really like. A little retcon that Marvel made a few years back. Remember the scene where the little kid in an Iron Man mask stands up to the robot before Tony saves him? Yeah, it’s been changed so that kid is now a little Peter Parker.
Words cannot describe how much I love that!