Daily Rant, Marvel, MCU-Thon, Movies

Day 317: The Incredibly Awful Hulk

Directed By: Louis Leterrier
Writen By: Zak Penn
Release Date: June 13th, 2008
Run Time: 1h 52m
Link to IMDb

Does this one still count? Does anyone in the world even remember this one? I feel like this is the one MCU movie that no one wants to talk about or remember.

And upon re-watching it, I recalled why.

This movie is fucking garbage! Sure, it’s got a few merits going for it, but they’re so lacking that it doesn’t help the overall product in any significant way! It’s so irredeemably awful that not even the MCU is willing to address it. If you skip this one entirely, you will lose absolutely nothing!

But let’s start with the silver lining. The soundtrack is actually really good. Each track is really well composed and beautiful to listen to. My personal favorite is the track that plays during the chase in Peru, as it takes on some really creative and interesting percussion. I don’t know how or why this OST is so good. All I know is that I need it right fucking now!

This is also the only MCU movie without a post credits scene. Instead, the scene is placed right before the credits. Probably because the editors knew no one would sit through the credits to this garbage. Hey, so long as I can move on and do something else as soon as possible, it deserves to be praised.

That’s it. Those are the only positives I have to say about this movie. Everything else is really bad. Seriously, if you haven’t seen this movie, you have no idea how bad it is. Take that number you have in your head right now, grab that statistic by the balls, and multiply it by a couple dozen. Then maybe you’d have a sixteenth of how bad this is. And that’s if the original number you had was already really high.

First and most obvious: the special effects. Even for a film from 2008, this is bad. Reminder: this is the same year as the first Iron Man. And the Dark Knight! Both of which still hold up to this day, and likely will for years to come!

Not only is the CGI incredibly terrible, but it’s also super jarring. And not just in the shots where Hulk is right next to Liv Tyler. Going from a shot without CG to an all CG shot is kind of nauseating. That may sound weird, and I assure you: it is. I honestly believe that Godzilla ’98 looks better than this.

I need to go wash my mouth out with soap.

The actors in this movie are also doing a bad job. They all just sound so bored throughout the entire movie! Look, I don’t like calling Liv Tyler a bad actress! She kicked ass as Arwin in the Lord of the Rings, and she may or may not have been one of my first childhood crushes. I have a soft spot for her, so having to say that she’s not doing a good job feels wrong. But man, she is not doing a good job! Every single one of her lines comes out as an uninterested whisper!

Except for that one scene where she starts screaming at a taxi driver. This may sound great, but once again, I must assure you: it’s not.

Edward Norton is also a terrible choice for Bruce Banner. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s a good actor in the right role. I fucking loved him in Moonrise Kingdom. But he doesn’t come across as Bruce Banner. He just comes across as… a dude. A normal, uninterested dude.

This is why he was replaced in The Avengers.

Honestly, I could keep going for a very long time on how bad this is. Some scenes have characters speaking, but their lips don’t even move! Many of the action scenes, especially in the final battle, are downright incomprehensible! The script sucks, no one seems to care, and it’s completely unimportant to the grand scale of the MCU!

If you still haven’t seen this movie, don’t fix that. There’s nothing there that needs fixing. You aren’t missing a damn thing. If anything, watch this so you can gain a greater appreciation for Mark Ruffolo’s depiction of the character. Because his version is great, and this is crap. But at the very least, it taught movie studios a valuable lesson.

Stand alone Hulk movies are about as likely to succeed as the Great Waifu Wars are to end.

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