Worst. Dancers. Ever.
Riddlefiddle the Satyr, On Ogres
Riddlefiddle? Sorry, I’m already getting distracted. Ogres. We’re talking about ogres…
Riddlefiddle?
Lore: Big Dumb Brutes
Raiding. Scavenging. Killing. These are the three things ogres excel at the most. If not for their laziness, dim wits, and quick tempers, they might have been a deadly foe. Even as they are, they’re not to be trifled with. They’ll eat anything, though they have a taste for halflings, dwarves, and elves; sometimes, they’ll even chase their meal about before devouring them just to get a bit of sport. Afterward, they will make a necklace out of their victims’ bones.
On a raid, an ogre carries with them a simple sack into which they put their ‘treasures’. These range from silver and gold to battered helmets, moldy food, or even live animals. Smarter beings can earn an ogre’s trust by giving it such things, or better yet: a weapon to fit its large size. That is the only real way of negotiating with one, as they are so stupid that any attempt at diplomacy would only end in bloodshed.
Wandering on the fringes of civilization, armed with primitive tools and dressed only in loincloths, ogres prey on unprotected animals and farmers. They’ll dwell in caves or open pastures until they kill the owner of a homestead, whereupon they’ll make that dwelling their new lair. Once the area is depleted of food, the ogre simply moves on and repeats the process.
Sometimes, ogres will band together into gangs. When these gangs meet, they may trade members, join together into one, or fight for supremacy; all are just as likely. They may even join forces with other creatures, like goblins, orcs, or trolls. Some even offer themselves as servants to giants, as they practically worship the larger creatures.
There are even some ogres who mate with other races, like humans (those poor ladies…), hobgoblins, bugbears, or orcs. The result: a half-ogre called an ogrillion. Rarely do the mothers survive.
All of this could make for some really good early-game quests. The party could save a village from an ogre, get caught up in a clash between ogre gangs, or simply wander in on an empty farm where one currently resides. You could even integrate it into the backstory of a half-ogre NPC, or even a player character! Overall, it’s very strong.
Design: Why aren’t they green?
Having grown up watching Shrek, I can only imagine ogres having green skin and weird tube-like ears. So this is just incredibly disappointing to me.
Honestly, I’m not even sure what to say about these designs. They’re ogres. Pretty simple, pretty basic, and not especially creative. What you see is what you get.
I do appreciate the details on the half-ogre design. Not just that it’s wearing clothes; its features are a subtle blend of ogre and something more goblin-like. While not incredible, it is a nice touch.
All in all, the designs aren’t bad. Nor are they spectacular. They just… are. They do the job and they do it well enough.
Stats: Smashy Smash
I don’t even need to talk about this. This is just about the simplest monster you could possibly get. Both the Ogre and the Half-Ogre are big brutes who hit things. They have a greatclub and a javelin. That’s it. No special abilities, no magic, nothing interesting at all. It’s a true, basic slugfest through-and-through.
Boooooring. Let’s wrap this up before I fall asleep.
Placement
This entry got more and more disappointing the further into it we got. The lore is surprisingly good, allowing for some great story possibilities. But the design is okay at best, and the stats are as basic and boring as you can get. All in all, this is a mid to low-tier monster.
With all that in mind, I’m going to put the Ogres at #120 on the Best of the Bestiary!
- Beholder
- Death Tyrant
- Mind Flayer
- Dragon Turtle
- Mummy/Mummy Lord
- Nagas (all three of ’em)
- Green Dragons
- Red Dragons
- Blue Dragons
- Black Dragons
- White Dragons
- Silver Dragons
- Couatl
- Behir
- Aboleth
- Sea Hag
- Lamia
- Bronze Dragons
- Brass Dragons
- Copper Dragons
- Gold Dragons
- Chuul
- Kuo-Toa
- Gibbering Mouther
- Kraken
- Intellect Devourer
- Chimera
- Death Knight
- Fomorian
- Bone Devil
- Dracolich
- Faerie Dragon
- Lich
- Magmin
- Kobold
- Kenku
- Hobgoblins
- Night Hag
- Green Hag
- Ankheg
- Hook Horror
- Storm Giant
- Hill Giant
- Empyrean
- Efreeti
- Grimlock
- Minotaur
- Dao
- Cloud Giant
- Manticore
- Drow (all four of ’em)
- Shadow Demon
- Modrons (all five of ’em)
- Marilith
- Drider
- Aarackockra
- Azer
- Demilich
- Spectator
- Hydra
- Marid
- Harpy
- Werejackal
- Half-Dragon
- Cambion
- Fire Giant
- Nothic
- Animated Armor
- Banshee
- Basilisk
- Yochlol
- Bulette
- Cloaker
- Darkmantle
- Doppelganger
- Ghoul and Ghast
- Ettin
- Medusa
- Pit Fiend
- Erinyes
- Chain Devil
- Bearded Devil
- Barbed Devil
- Spined Devil
- Ice Devil
- Mimic
- Djinni
- Merrow
- Nalfeshnee
- Glabrezu
- Chasme
- Grell
- Barlgura
- Horned Devil
- Balor
- Shadow Dragon
- Myconids (all four of ’em)
- Werebear
- Lizardfolk
- Vrock
- Dretch
- Gnolls (all three)
- Goristro
- Hezrou
- Manes
- Frost Giant
- Weretiger
- Werewolf
- Duergar
- Quasit
- Dryad
- Flumph
- Goblin
- Nightmare
- Wereboar
- Wererat
- Githyanki
- Planetar
- Imp
- Ogres/Half-ogres <—————–
- Clay Golem
- Flameskull
- Displacer Beast
- Carrion Crawler
- Githzerai
- Grick
- Invisible Stalker
- Rug of Smothering
- Bugbear Chief
- Bugbear
- Flesh Golem
- Vine Blight
- Twig Blight
- Needle Blight
- Mephits (all six of ’em)
- Bullywug
- Hellhound
- Ettercap
- Gas Spore
- Cockatrice
- Lemure
- Homonculus
- Merfolk
- Solar
- Deva
- Gorgon
- Hippogriff
- Griffon
- Cyclops
- Centaur
- Ghost
- Fire Elemental
- Water Elemental
- Air Elemental
- Stone Giant
- Deep Gnome
- Dinosaurs (All six of them)
- Iron Golem
- Stone Golem
- Earth Elemental
- Galeb Duhr
- Helmed Horror
- Flying Sword
- Crawling Claw
- Violet Fungus
- Shrieker
- Gargoyle
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