Ogres: *Insert Shrek Joke Here*

Worst. Dancers. Ever.

Riddlefiddle the Satyr, On Ogres

Riddlefiddle? Sorry, I’m already getting distracted. Ogres. We’re talking about ogres…


Lore: Big Dumb Brutes

Raiding. Scavenging. Killing. These are the three things ogres excel at the most. If not for their laziness, dim wits, and quick tempers, they might have been a deadly foe. Even as they are, they’re not to be trifled with. They’ll eat anything, though they have a taste for halflings, dwarves, and elves; sometimes, they’ll even chase their meal about before devouring them just to get a bit of sport. Afterward, they will make a necklace out of their victims’ bones.

On a raid, an ogre carries with them a simple sack into which they put their ‘treasures’. These range from silver and gold to battered helmets, moldy food, or even live animals. Smarter beings can earn an ogre’s trust by giving it such things, or better yet: a weapon to fit its large size. That is the only real way of negotiating with one, as they are so stupid that any attempt at diplomacy would only end in bloodshed.

Wandering on the fringes of civilization, armed with primitive tools and dressed only in loincloths, ogres prey on unprotected animals and farmers. They’ll dwell in caves or open pastures until they kill the owner of a homestead, whereupon they’ll make that dwelling their new lair. Once the area is depleted of food, the ogre simply moves on and repeats the process.

Sometimes, ogres will band together into gangs. When these gangs meet, they may trade members, join together into one, or fight for supremacy; all are just as likely. They may even join forces with other creatures, like goblins, orcs, or trolls. Some even offer themselves as servants to giants, as they practically worship the larger creatures.

There are even some ogres who mate with other races, like humans (those poor ladies…), hobgoblins, bugbears, or orcs. The result: a half-ogre called an ogrillion. Rarely do the mothers survive.

All of this could make for some really good early-game quests. The party could save a village from an ogre, get caught up in a clash between ogre gangs, or simply wander in on an empty farm where one currently resides. You could even integrate it into the backstory of a half-ogre NPC, or even a player character! Overall, it’s very strong.

Design: Why aren’t they green?

Having grown up watching Shrek, I can only imagine ogres having green skin and weird tube-like ears. So this is just incredibly disappointing to me.

Honestly, I’m not even sure what to say about these designs. They’re ogres. Pretty simple, pretty basic, and not especially creative. What you see is what you get.

I do appreciate the details on the half-ogre design. Not just that it’s wearing clothes; its features are a subtle blend of ogre and something more goblin-like. While not incredible, it is a nice touch.

All in all, the designs aren’t bad. Nor are they spectacular. They just… are. They do the job and they do it well enough.

Stats: Smashy Smash

I don’t even need to talk about this. This is just about the simplest monster you could possibly get. Both the Ogre and the Half-Ogre are big brutes who hit things. They have a greatclub and a javelin. That’s it. No special abilities, no magic, nothing interesting at all. It’s a true, basic slugfest through-and-through.

Boooooring. Let’s wrap this up before I fall asleep.


This entry got more and more disappointing the further into it we got. The lore is surprisingly good, allowing for some great story possibilities. But the design is okay at best, and the stats are as basic and boring as you can get. All in all, this is a mid to low-tier monster.

With all that in mind, I’m going to put the Ogres at #120 on the Best of the Bestiary!

  1. Beholder
  2. Death Tyrant
  3. Mind Flayer
  4. Dragon Turtle
  5. Mummy/Mummy Lord
  6. Nagas (all three of ’em)
  7. Green Dragons
  8. Red Dragons
  9. Blue Dragons
  10. Black Dragons
  11. White Dragons
  12. Silver Dragons
  13. Couatl
  14. Behir
  15. Aboleth
  16. Sea Hag
  17. Lamia
  18. Bronze Dragons
  19. Brass Dragons
  20. Copper Dragons
  21. Gold Dragons
  22. Chuul
  23. Kuo-Toa
  24. Gibbering Mouther
  25. Kraken
  26. Intellect Devourer
  27. Chimera
  28. Death Knight
  29. Fomorian
  30. Bone Devil
  31. Dracolich
  32. Faerie Dragon
  33. Lich
  34. Magmin
  35. Kobold
  36. Kenku
  37. Hobgoblins
  38. Night Hag
  39. Green Hag
  40. Ankheg
  41. Hook Horror
  42. Storm Giant
  43. Hill Giant
  44. Empyrean
  45. Efreeti
  46. Grimlock
  47. Minotaur
  48. Dao
  49. Cloud Giant
  50. Manticore
  51. Drow (all four of ’em)
  52. Shadow Demon
  53. Modrons (all five of ’em)
  54. Marilith
  55. Drider
  56. Aarackockra
  57. Azer
  58. Demilich
  59. Spectator
  60. Hydra
  61. Marid
  62. Harpy
  63. Werejackal
  64. Half-Dragon
  65. Cambion
  66. Fire Giant
  67. Nothic
  68. Animated Armor
  69. Banshee
  70. Basilisk
  71. Yochlol
  72. Bulette
  73. Cloaker
  74. Darkmantle
  75. Doppelganger
  76. Ghoul and Ghast
  77. Ettin
  78. Medusa
  79. Pit Fiend
  80. Erinyes
  81. Chain Devil
  82. Bearded Devil
  83. Barbed Devil
  84. Spined Devil
  85. Ice Devil
  86. Mimic
  87. Djinni
  88. Merrow
  89. Nalfeshnee
  90. Glabrezu
  91. Chasme
  92. Grell
  93. Barlgura
  94. Horned Devil
  95. Balor
  96. Shadow Dragon
  97. Myconids (all four of ’em)
  98. Werebear
  99. Lizardfolk
  100. Vrock
  101. Dretch
  102. Gnolls (all three)
  103. Goristro
  104. Hezrou
  105. Manes
  106. Frost Giant
  107. Weretiger
  108. Werewolf
  109. Duergar
  110. Quasit
  111. Dryad
  112. Flumph
  113. Goblin
  114. Nightmare
  115. Wereboar
  116. Wererat
  117. Githyanki
  118. Planetar
  119. Imp
  120. Ogres/Half-ogres <—————–
  121. Clay Golem
  122. Flameskull
  123. Displacer Beast
  124. Carrion Crawler
  125. Githzerai
  126. Grick
  127. Invisible Stalker
  128. Rug of Smothering
  129. Bugbear Chief
  130. Bugbear
  131. Flesh Golem
  132. Vine Blight
  133. Twig Blight
  134. Needle Blight
  135. Mephits (all six of ’em)
  136. Bullywug
  137. Hellhound
  138. Ettercap
  139. Gas Spore
  140. Cockatrice
  141. Lemure
  142. Homonculus
  143. Merfolk
  144. Solar
  145. Deva
  146. Gorgon
  147. Hippogriff
  148. Griffon
  149. Cyclops
  150. Centaur
  151. Ghost
  152. Fire Elemental
  153. Water Elemental
  154. Air Elemental
  155. Stone Giant
  156. Deep Gnome
  157. Dinosaurs (All six of them)
  158. Iron Golem
  159. Stone Golem
  160. Earth Elemental
  161. Galeb Duhr
  162. Helmed Horror
  163. Flying Sword
  164. Crawling Claw
  165. Violet Fungus
  166. Shrieker
  167. Gargoyle

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