Lich: Adventure Time Joke

Does that title joke show my age?

You can tell that this is a boss monster when the stats come before the lore. And when the stats take up an entire god damn page. And when the lore takes up another full damn page.

Hoo boy. This is gonna be a big one.

Lore: Corruption of Magic

Some great wizards embrace undeath in an effort to continue their research and further their powers, concocting plans that take decades or even centuries to be completed. Their thirst for knowledge has reduced their empathy to nothing and drove them to utter insanity.

Becoming a lich is far from easy. Any wizard seeking lichdom must make bargains with fiends, evil gods, or any other evil being. Some seek Orcus, Demon Prince of Undeath. Whoever they turn to, they must be prepared to swear an oath of fealty to them. Afterwards, they create a phylactery, an amulet in the shape of a small box, to trap their soul, then drink a vile poison to transform them into their immortal undead forms.

In order to sustain themselves, a lich must occasionally feed souls to their phylactery to preserve the magic keeping them alive. To do so, it will imprison one person within the box with the imprisonment spell. Only a 9th-level dispel magic spell can set the victim free. Should they be trapped within, they’ll die within 24 hours, with no hope of rescue beyond divine intervention. Should the lich fail to keep this up consistently, they’ll eventually devolve into a demilich.

When a lich dies, their will and mind will vanish, leaving only the corpse behind. Within days, a new body forms near the phylactery. Should the box be destroyed, the lich will die forever. Thus, the lich keeps it well-hidden. Though destroying the phylactery requires extremely powerful magic, a ritual, or a specialized item.

Every few centuries, the lich’s hunger for power and knowledge retract enough for it to take interest in the rest of the world, usually when something reminds it of its former life. Aside from that, they interact only with those who uphold their lairs and focus exclusively on expanding their magical collections. Most even abandon their old names, preferring to adopt a title instead.

There is plenty to work with in that lore. Perhaps the party gradually learns about a powerful wizard over the course of their adventure, only to learn that they have become a lich under a different name. Or maybe a valued NPC is kidnapped to be fed to a lich to sustain it and they need to save it. Hell, maybe you’re doing an evil campaign and your party is trying to make a lich! Whatever you choose, this guy will make for a great boss, be it a final big-bad or just the end to a quest line.

Design: Zombo Wizard

For all that lore, they sure didn’t get creative with the design.

This is a perfectly fine design. It at least looks more menacing than just a zombie in robes. Its robes look cool, the gems in its head help it stand out, and its exposed ribs (that’s what his chest looks like, at least) make it pretty grotesque. It kinda looks like how I imagined Voldemort to look when I read the Harry Potter books as a kid.

Still, you won’t find much joy in describing this guy to your players. It’s a fine looking monster, but it doesn’t have any truly stand out feature. It’s an effective look, but not an especially creative one.

Stats: The Ultimate Dark Wizard

Christ. This ain’t just a boss, this is a big boss!

It isn’t the bulkiest beast of the lot. It has a high AC, but its HP isn’t all that impressive for a boss. Although that HP pool is bolstered by its resistances to cold, lightning, and necrotic damage and its immunity to poison and nonmagical melee damage. To top that off, it is immune to charm, exhaustion, fright, paralysis, and poison.

Killing it is even harder than that. It has three Legendary Resistances, which allows it to automatically succeed any saving throw. With Turn Resistance, it is immune to all effects that turn undead. And with Rejuvenation, it can regain its body after 1d10 days post death, so long as it has a phylactery. Fail to destroy that, and the lich will remain immortal.

Action wise, it doesn’t have much. In fact, it only has one move: Paralyzing Touch. This does a small amount of damage, and it leaves the victim paralyzed if they fail a DC 18 Con save. On its own, it isn’t a dangerous move.

But when put in tandem with its spell list? That’s a different story.

• Cantrips (at will): mage hand, prestidigitation, ray of frost
• 1st level (4 slots): detect magic, magic missile, shield, thunderwave
• 2nd level (3 slots): detect thoughts, invisibility, Melf’s acid arrow, mirror image
• 3rd level (3 slots): animate dead, counterspell, dispel magic, fireball
• 4th level (3 slots): blight, dimension door
• 5th level (3 slots): cloudkill, scrying
• 6th level (1 slot): disintegrate, globe of invulnerability
• 7th level (1 slot): finger of death, plane shift
• 8th level (1 slot): dominate monster, power word stun
• 9th level (1 slot): power word kill

Fucking. Christ!

On top of all that, it has Legendary Actions. These allow it to cast a cantrip or use Paralyzing Touch (which costs 2 actions). Or it could use Frightening Gaze (another one that costs 2 actions), which frightens one creature it can see within ten feet of it, should it fail its saving throw. And, at the cost of all three Legendary Actions, it can use Disrupt Life, which deals a monstrous amount of damage to any non-undead creatures that fail a save within 20 feet of the lich.

Finally, it has the Lair Actions. One allows the lich to regain a spell slot. Another tethers the monster to a player, splitting whatever damage it takes between the two. The last allows it to summon evil spirits that can deal a monstrous 52(15d6) necrotic damage on a failed saving throw.

All of this combines to make one of the most varied and deadly boss fights you could offer your players. Between his shit ton of spells and abilities to regain them, highly dangerous lair actions, and his pension for status ailments, the lich is an easy pick for any DM seeking to truly challenge their players and their limits.

Placement

This is a really strong boss monster. It has some incredible lore and stats. The only real weakness is in its design. Aside from that, it’s a great entry!

With all that in mind, let’s place the Lich on the Best of the Bestiary!

1. Beholder
2. Death Tyrant
3. Dragon Turtle
4. Green Dragons
5. Red Dragons
6. Blue Dragons
7. Black Dragons
8. White Dragons
9. Silver Dragons
10. Couatl
11. Behir
12. Aboleth
13. Sea Hag
14. Lamia
15. Bronze Dragons
16. Brass Dragons
17. Copper Dragons
18. Gold Dragons
19. Chuul
20. Kuo-Toa
21. Gibbering Mouther
22. Kraken
23. Intellect Devourer
24. Chimera
25. Death Knight
26. Fomorian
27. Bone Devil
28. Dracolich
29. Faerie Dragon
30. Lich <——————————–
31. Kobold
32. Kenku
33. Hobgoblins
34. Night Hag
35. Green Hag
36. Ankheg
37. Hook Horror
38. Storm Giant
39. Hill Giant
40. Empyrean
41. Efreeti
42. Grimlock
43. Dao
44. Cloud Giant
45. Drow (all four of ’em)
46. Shadow Demon
47. Marilith
48. Drider
49. Aarackockra
50. Azer
51. Demilich
52. Spectator
53. Hydra
54. Marid
55. Harpy
56. Werejackal
57. Half-Dragon
58. Cambion
59. Fire Giant
60. Animated Armor
61. Banshee
62. Basilisk
63. Yochlol
64. Bulette
65. Cloaker
66. Darkmantle
67. Doppelganger
68. Ghoul and Ghast
69. Ettin
70. Pit Fiend
71. Erinyes
72. Chain Devil
73. Bearded Devil
74. Barbed Devil
75. Spined Devil
76. Ice Devil
77. Djinni
78. Nalfeshnee
79. Glabrezu
80. Chasme
81. Grell
82. Barlgura
83. Horned Devil
84. Balor
85. Shadow Dragon
86. Vrock
87. Dretch
88. Gnolls (all three)
89. Goristro
90. Hezrou
91. Manes
92. Frost Giant
93. Duergar
94. Quasit
95. Dryad
96. Flumph
97. Goblin
98. Githyanki
99. Planetar
100. Imp
101. Clay Golem
102. Flameskull
103. Displacer Beast
104. Carrion Crawler
105. Githzerai
106. Grick
107. Invisible Stalker
108. Rug of Smothering
109. Bugbear Chief
110. Bugbear
111. Flesh Golem
112. Vine Blight
113. Twig Blight
114. Needle Blight
115. Bullywug
116. Hellhound
117. Ettercap
118. Gas Spore
119. Cockatrice
120. Lemure
121. Homonculus
122. Solar
123. Deva
124. Gorgon
125. Hippogriff
126. Griffon
127. Cyclops
128. Centaur
129. Ghost
130. Fire Elemental
131. Water Elemental
132. Air Elemental
133. Stone Giant
134. Deep Gnome
135. Dinosaurs (All six of them)
136. Iron Golem
137. Stone Golem
138. Earth Elemental
139. Galeb Duhr
140. Helmed Horror
141. Flying Sword
142. Crawling Claw
143. Violet Fungus
144. Shrieker
145. Gargoyle