Kuoa-Toa: Fish-Men, Non-One Piece Edition

They invent their own gods… the very definition of insanity.

Sabal Mizzrym of Menzoberranzan

Whoever at Wizards of the Coast wrote that was swinging hard with that one.

Lore: Devout Fish, Bad Fish

Once, the kuo-toa lived on the surface. Humans drove them beneath the ground, where they lost their minds and their taste for daylight. Some time after this, they were enslaved by the illithids. Being simple-minded creatures, they were unable to handle the mental torment unleashed on them. By the end, they had been driven entirely insane. In their madness, they invented gods to protect them from threats such as the drow, another old enemy.

These gods aren’t just their imaginings. Should enough kuo-toa worship the same imagining, it will come to life as a reality. Their forms can be nonsensical or even entirely random. One of the most worshipped is Blibdoolpoolp the Sea Mother, a human with a crayfish’s head, claws, and shell. Though not all of their gods are of their own invention; some worship aboleths, who take pleasure in freely manipulating such mindless creatures.

At the head of these fanatics is the archpriest, who demand their subjects to worship their specific god. They can give spells to their most devout underlings, whips, who are often the archpriest’s children. When the archpriest dies, they fight to the death for the title. Should they fail, death is often the consequence.

There is a lot of fun lore to use here. It can make for some pretty fun encounters for the players. I can speak from experience on this one; a friend used these guys for a campaign he ran, and it was one of the most fun encounters we ever had. They’re not quite worthy of being the main bad guys, but they’re a fun addition to any campaign.

Design: That’s Just a Fish In Clothes

What else am I supposed to say?

This design is so simple and mindless that it is honestly incredibly fitting. It’s literally just a fish in a tunic. Sure, the archpriest and whip both have artwork in the book as well, but they’re both more or less the same as this one, but with different clothes. They’re all just fish-men.

To be fair, I do love the art. Just look at its eyes! You can tell that thing doesn’t have a wit in its head!

As underwhelming as the design is, it’s fun enough to forgive. It doesn’t hold a candle to most other entries in the Monster Manual, but it’s dumb enough to be kinda fun. So… it’s fine.

Moving on.

Stats: The Sushi Bar

Three. We have three of these to talk about. And each have several paragraphs of abilities on them. Luckily, most of it is shared between all three. So let’s blast through all of that, shall we?

• Amphibious: they can breath air and water
• Otherwordly Perception: they can sense the presence of any creature that is invisible or on the Ethereal Plane within 30 feet of them and can pinpoint them if they move
• Slippery: they have advantage on grapple escapes
• Sunlight Sensitivity: they have disadvantage on attack and sight rolls in sunlight

Then there are the spells. The Archpriest has:

• Cantrips (at will): guidance, sacred flame, thaumaturgy
• 1st level (4 slots): detect magic, sanctuary, shield of faith
• 2nd level (3 slots): hold person, spiritual weapon
• 3rd level (3 slots): spirit guardians, tongues
• 4th level (3 slots): control water, divination
• 5th level (2 slots): mass cure wounds, scrying

Good god. That is… one hell of a list. Luckily, the whip isn’t nearly so dangerous. It only has:

• Cantrips (at will): sacred flame, thaumaturgy
• 1st level (3 slots): bane, shield of faith

Curiously, the base kuo-toa has an ability that the other two don’t: Sticky Shield, a reaction. When a creature misses an attack on them, it uses its sticky shield to catch the weapon. If the attacker fails a DC 11 Strength save, the weapon will become stuck in the shield. So long as they hold the weapon, they are grappled. They must try the save again and succeed in order to pull it free.

Each of the three have different Actions. They each have basic melee weapons, each with different effects. The base version has a net that can restrain its target. The archpriest has a scepter that adds extra lightning damage. The whip has a special staff that can grapple anyone who is hit by it.

On their own, the only one that is truly dangerous is the Archpriest. Put together into a group, every single one of these is dangerous. Each one has a plethora of abilities that can make for an annoying battle that presses the limits of your players and their creativity.

Again: speaking from experience on that one.

Placement

These make for a surprisingly good monster! The design is a bit boring, if silly enough to make you smile. But that is more than made up for by the incredible lore and varied stats.

With all that in mind, let’s put the Kuo-Toa on the Best of the Bestiary!

1. Beholder
2. Death Tyrant
3. Dragon Turtle
4. Green Dragons
5. Red Dragons
6. Blue Dragons
7. Black Dragons
8. White Dragons
9. Silver Dragons
10. Couatl
11. Behir
12. Aboleth
13. Sea Hag
14. Bronze Dragons
15. Brass Dragons
16. Copper Dragons
17. Gold Dragons
18. Chuul
19. Kuo-Toa <——————-
20. Gibbering Mouther
21. Kraken
22. Intellect Devourer
23. Chimera
24. Death Knight
25. Fomorian
26. Bone Devil
27. Dracolich
28. Faerie Dragon
29. Kobold
30. Kenku
31. Hobgoblins
32. Night Hag
33. Green Hag
34. Ankheg
35. Hook Horror
36. Storm Giant
37. Hill Giant
38. Empyrean
39. Efreeti
40. Grimlock
41. Dao
42. Cloud Giant
43. Drow (all four of ’em)
44. Shadow Demon
45. Marilith
46. Drider
47. Aarackockra
48. Azer
49. Demilich
50. Spectator
51. Hydra
52. Marid
53. Harpy
54. Werejackal
55. Half-Dragon
56. Cambion
57. Fire Giant
58. Animated Armor
59. Banshee
60. Basilisk
61. Yochlol
62. Bulette
63. Cloaker
64. Darkmantle
65. Doppelganger
66. Ghoul and Ghast
67. Ettin
68. Pit Fiend
69. Erinyes
70. Chain Devil
71. Bearded Devil
72. Barbed Devil
73. Spined Devil
74. Ice Devil
75. Djinni
76. Nalfeshnee
77. Glabrezu
78. Chasme
79. Grell
80. Barlgura
81. Horned Devil
82. Balor
83. Shadow Dragon
84. Vrock
85. Dretch
86. Gnolls (all three)
87. Goristro
88. Hezrou
89. Manes
90. Frost Giant
91. Duergar
92. Quasit
93. Dryad
94. Flumph
95. Goblin
96. Githyanki
97. Planetar
98. Imp
99. Clay Golem
100. Flameskull
101. Displacer Beast
102. Carrion Crawler
103. Githzerai
104. Grick
105. Invisible Stalker
106. Rug of Smothering
107. Bugbear Chief
108. Bugbear
109. Flesh Golem
110. Vine Blight
111. Twig Blight
112. Needle Blight
113. Bullywug
114. Hellhound
115. Ettercap
116. Gas Spore
117. Cockatrice
118. Lemure
119. Homonculus
120. Solar
121. Deva
122. Gorgon
123. Hippogriff
124. Griffon
125. Cyclops
126. Centaur
127. Ghost
128. Fire Elemental
129. Water Elemental
130. Air Elemental
131. Stone Giant
132. Deep Gnome
133. Dinosaurs (All six of them)
134. Iron Golem
135. Stone Golem
136. Earth Elemental
137. Galeb Duhr
138. Helmed Horror
139. Flying Sword
140. Crawling Claw
141. Violet Fungus
142. Shrieker
143. Gargoyle