Grimlock: That Kid That Yelled Slurs on Xbox Live

You’ll understand that joke in a bit, I promise.

Lore: Blind Faith

Grimlocks are vile creatures who live in the Underdark. Once, they were human. But their worship of the mind flayers slowly transformed them into the blind cannibals that we see today.

Long ago, the mind flayers had an empire that stretched across many worlds. Among them were human priests, who were duped by the cosmic monsters into worshipping them rather than their true gods. The illithids became their new blasphemous gods, and the followers became the creatures’ slaves. Eventually, their rituals became more gruesome, to the point where they would eat the corpse whose brain had been consumed by their gods.

When the illithid empire collapsed, the victims of the grimlocks waged wars of vengeance against them. In order to survive, they fled into the Underdark, where they continued their worship. However, over time, they came to lose the use of their eyes. However, their other senses, such as hearing and smell, rose to new, monstrous levels, to the point that their blindness has become a boon rather than a weakness.

Even still, grimlocks worship the mind flayers. Not only that, but they consider the war in which they were driven underground to not be over. As such, they will still rise to the surface to attack and claim victims for their alien gods.

The lore here is actually super cool! Sure, it’s basically just a spice for a mind-flayer centered campaign. But you can still do some really fun stuff with it! It’s not just another wild animal or mindless monster!

Despite what you might believe by looking at it…

Design: The Title Joke

Look at this design, understand my opening joke, then tell me I’m funny.

That face when you get teabagged in Halo 3 multiplayer

This is a really simple design. It’s an ugly, troll-looking motherfucker. Just by looking at him, you can tell what he smells like. Spoiler alert: it ain’t a nice scent.

While it is simple, I do think it’s a perfect design for this particular monster. Plus, it has a ton of subtle details! Note how the eyes are missing, its sockets empty. Underdark lore, anyone?

It also looks distinctly human in many ways. Yes, it’s body is saggy and gray and gross. But it doesn’t have any massive claws or tentacles or a long tongue. It very much looks like a gross, mutated human.

Except for those ears. Those look more like elf ears. But that’s a small detail, so I can let it pass.

It isn’t as creative or horrifying as something like the beholder or the gibbering mouther. But it’s still a pretty good design. It’d put it in the B-B+ range.

Now, how does it fight?

Stats: He Can Smell You

Wow. This dude is… really boring. Damn. We almost had 3/3 quality.

Defense wise, this dude is pitiful. Its HP and AC are the same, both a tragic 11. Sure, you can’t blind it. But why would you need to when one or two swings with an axe will kill it anyways? The only advantage it has is with Stealth checks in rocky terrain!

In terms of actions, it’s literally as simple as it gets. It has a club and it whacks you with it. That’s it. No special effects, no spells, nothing. It just hits you with a stick until you put it down.

This is 100% a fodder monster. If you need an introductory enemy for a mind flayer campaign, this is your guy. But if you want anything more than this, you’d best be looking elsewhere.


Overall, this was a surprisingly interesting monster. Its lore and design are both incredibly solid. I just wish it made for a more interesting fight than ‘hit it until it dies’.

With all that in mind, let’s put the Grimlock on the Best of the Bestiary!

  1. Beholder
  2. Death Tyrant
  3. Dragon Turtle
  4. Green Dragons
  5. Red Dragons
  6. Blue Dragons
  7. Black Dragons
  8. White Dragons
  9. Silver Dragons
  10. Couatl
  11. Behir
  12. Aboleth
  13. Bronze Dragons
  14. Brass Dragons
  15. Copper Dragons
  16. Gold Dragons
  17. Chuul
  18. Gibbering Mouther
  19. Chimera
  20. Death Knight
  21. Fomorian
  22. Bone Devil
  23. Dracolich
  24. Faerie Dragon
  25. Ankheg
  26. Storm Giant
  27. Hill Giant
  28. Empyrean
  29. Efreeti
  30. Grimlock <—————–
  31. Dao
  32. Cloud Giant
  33. Drow (all four of ’em)
  34. Shadow Demon
  35. Marilith
  36. Drider
  37. Aarackockra
  38. Azer
  39. Demilich
  40. Spectator
  41. Marid
  42. Cambion
  43. Fire Giant
  44. Animated Armor
  45. Banshee
  46. Basilisk
  47. Yochlol
  48. Bulette
  49. Cloaker
  50. Darkmantle
  51. Doppelganger
  52. Ghoul and Ghast
  53. Ettin
  54. Pit Fiend
  55. Erinyes
  56. Chain Devil
  57. Bearded Devil
  58. Barbed Devil
  59. Spined Devil
  60. Ice Devil
  61. Djinni
  62. Nalfeshnee
  63. Glabrezu
  64. Chasme
  65. Grell
  66. Barlgura
  67. Horned Devil
  68. Balor
  69. Shadow Dragon
  70. Vrock
  71. Dretch
  72. Gnolls (all three)
  73. Goristro
  74. Hezrou
  75. Manes
  76. Frost Giant
  77. Duergar
  78. Quasit
  79. Dryad
  80. Flumph
  81. Goblin
  82. Githyanki
  83. Planetar
  84. Imp
  85. Clay Golem
  86. Flameskull
  87. Displacer Beast
  88. Carrion Crawler
  89. Githzerai
  90. Grick
  91. Rug of Smothering
  92. Bugbear Chief
  93. Bugbear
  94. Flesh Golem
  95. Vine Blight
  96. Twig Blight
  97. Needle Blight
  98. Bullywug
  99. Ettercap
  100. Gas Spore
  101. Cockatrice
  102. Lemure
  103. Solar
  104. Deva
  105. Gorgon
  106. Griffon
  107. Cyclops
  108. Centaur
  109. Ghost
  110. Fire Elemental
  111. Water Elemental
  112. Air Elemental
  113. Stone Giant
  114. Deep Gnome
  115. Dinosaurs (All six of them)
  116. Iron Golem
  117. Stone Golem
  118. Earth Elemental
  119. Galeb Duhr
  120. Flying Sword
  121. Crawling Claw
  122. Violet Fungus
  123. Shrieker
  124. Gargoyle

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