Giants (Part 5): Hill Giant

I feel like this monster was designed by someone who just wanted to put Hodor from Game of Thrones into D&D. Only that person’s least favorite Game of Thrones character was Hodor.

Okay, this monster is a little more original than that. A lot more, in fact! This simple, unassuming monster actually turned out to be pretty dope! Not insanely awesome, but fun! And sometimes that’s all you need!

Lore: The Biggest, Dumbest Brute

I’m imagining giant hillbillies. Let’s see how accurate that is.

Hill giants are barbaric, lazy, and dim-witted. If not for their monstrous strength, they would have driven themselves to extinction long ago. Instead, they use their might to bully other races into feeding them.

These giants don’t know that they are part of an ordning. They only understand that bigger equals stronger and stronger equals in charge. They follow the other giants simply because they are larger than the hill giants. It is incredibly rare that a hill giant with actual wits comes along to rise in the ordning rather than remain where they are.

While not fighting or enslaving, hill giants are eating. They’ll do so alone or with a dire wolf companion (the Stark family confirmed to be hill giants). Anything that isn’t obviously deadly, and I do mean anything, they’ll put on their plate. Mud? Sure, why not? Rotten flesh? Again, why not? Anything goes. This makes them a farmer’s worst enemy; they’ll devour all they have without any regard for others.

You may wonder how this terrible diet hasn’t driven them to extinction. Well, that’s because of their ability to digest practically anything. This has lead them to survive without evolving, leaving them old, fat, and stupid.

They have no culture of their own, so they’ll simply copy it from those they observe before they consume them. However, they don’t factor in their own size and strength. They’ll mimic the ways of the elves or dwarves without considering the simple fact that they are much too large and stupid to do so. They’ll even try to take their homes, smashing the rooftops and doors in a vain attempt to fit inside.

Hill giants are incredibly direct and blunt. So much so that the mere concept of deception is strange to them. A group of humans could disguise themselves as a giant by wearing a cloak and standing on each other’s shoulders with a giant pumpkin for a head and it may very well be fooled.

Be careful, though. When a hill giant feels a fool, it unleashes its fury upon anything and everything in its path. Even after it claims its vengeance, it’s wrath continues. Only exhaustion, hunger, or something more interesting can abate its fury.

Those who would crown themselves king use this fury to keep their subjects in line. Although they may very well forget about their self-appointed title due to their sheer stupidity. Should this happen, they’ll simply eat their subjects before either remembering or moving on with their lives.

So… I wasn’t entirely wrong. Just mostly wrong.

This lore is among my favorites that we’ve discussed in this entire series! It’s simple but detailed enough to write tons of fun scenarios! Perhaps the players could run into a hill giant ‘king’ and liberate its subjects! Or a hill giant pretending to be a high elf that they need to negotiate with! Or you could keep it simple, have an NPC hire your players to stop a hill giant that’s been eating all of the farmer’s crops! Whatever you go with, simple or complex, is bound to be an absolute delight for your players!

Design:

Did the artist imagine their childhood bully when they drew this guy? It feels like this was modeled after a specific person. Someone the artist really didn’t like.

I’m into it, though! It’s simple, it’s expressive, and it’s fun! Just looking at it makes me chuckle and puts a dumb smile on my face!

Firstly, you can tell that this boy has an appetite. That big beer belly is kind of a dead giveaway. But at the same time, you can tell that that food isn’t all going to its gut. Take a look at its arms. You don’t get that ripped by sitting on your ass and eating Doritos. Otherwise, I’d be Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger by now.

The lack of any clothes beyond a simple loincloth and sandals also serves as a decent hint to their lack of culture. All of the other giants are wearing clothing suited to their unique cultures. This one? He doesn’t have one, so he’s basically naked.

And… well, all you have to do is look at its face to tell that this ain’t the fluffiest sheep in the flock. It’s expression is a mixture of befuddlement and annoyance. Perfect for a monster of low intellect that’s quick to anger.

This is one of the few designs in the book that works best with simplicity. They made the most out of very little and, in this case, it is a perfect fit. It’s not as unique as the beholder nor as iconic as the dragons. But for this case? It’s wonderful.

But then there’s…

Stats: More of the Same

Remember the fire and frost giants? How they just had greataxes and threw rocks? Yeah, it’s that again. Just replace the axe with a club. And make it weaker.

Boring! Come on, give me something to work with!

Placement

Two out of three. Not bad.

This monster has fun lore and an equally fun design. Unfortunately, in terms of its actual gameplay, it leaves a lot to be desired. Players aren’t always excited by monsters that can only hit things! You’ve got to give them more!

With all that in mind, let’s put the Hill Giant on the Best of the Bestiary!

1. Beholder
2. Death Tyrant
3. Dragon Turtle
4. Green Dragons
5. Red Dragons
6. Blue Dragons
7. Black Dragons
8. White Dragons
9. Silver Dragons
10. Couatl
11. Behir
12. Aboleth
13. Bronze Dragons
14. Brass Dragons
15. Copper Dragons
16. Gold Dragons
17. Chuul
18. Chimera
19. Death Knight
20. Fomorian
21. Bone Devil
22. Dracolich
23. Faerie Dragon
24. Ankheg
25. Hill Giant <————————-
26. Empyrean
27. Efreeti
28. Dao
29. Cloud Giant
30. Drow (all four of ’em)
31. Shadow Demon
32. Marilith
33. Drider
34. Aarackockra
35. Azer
36. Demilich
37. Spectator
38. Marid
39. Cambion
40. Fire Giant
41. Animated Armor
42. Banshee
43. Basilisk
44. Yochlol
45. Bulette
46. Cloaker
47. Darkmantle
48. Doppelganger
49. Ghoul and Ghast
50. Ettin
51. Pit Fiend
52. Erinyes
53. Chain Devil
54. Bearded Devil
55. Barbed Devil
56. Spined Devil
57. Ice Devil
58. Djinni
59. Nalfeshnee
60. Glabrezu
61. Chasme
62. Barlgura
63. Horned Devil
64. Balor
65. Shadow Dragon
66. Vrock
67. Dretch
68. Goristro
69. Hezrou
70. Manes
71. Frost Giant
72. Duergar
73. Quasit
74. Dryad
75. Flumph
76. Planetar
77. Imp
78. Flameskull
79. Displacer Beast
80. Carrion Crawler
81. Rug of Smothering
82. Bugbear Chief
83. Bugbear
84. Vine Blight
85. Twig Blight
86. Needle Blight
87. Bullywug
88. Ettercap
89. Gas Spore
90. Cockatrice
91. Lemure
92. Solar
93. Deva
94. Cyclops
95. Centaur
96. Ghost
97. Fire Elemental
98. Water Elemental
99. Air Elemental
100. Dinosaurs (All six of them)
101. Earth Elemental
102. Galeb Duhr
103. Flying Sword
104. Crawling Claw
105. Violet Fungus
106. Shrieker
107. Gargoyle