Gargoyle: Remember that old Gargoyles cartoon?

That has nothing to do with the monster, I just couldn’t come up with a witty title.

Of all the staple monsters in the fantasy genre, gargoyles are the ones I forget the most. They make for a fun bit of flair for a spooky castle, sure! But what happens when you’re story is taken away from said spooky castle? They vanish so that more interesting creatures can take the spotlight.

And they fulfill the exact same role here.

Lore: Take a Guess

Wow. I’m bored. This monster is boring.

You already know what these guys are about. They’re living statues that live atop castles and mountains and all that stuff. They usually serve powerful, intelligent masters as guard dogs for their domains. All that typical gargoyle stuff.

It’s not especially bad lore. But it’s just what you’d expect from a gargoyle. It doesn’t do anything new or interesting to make this version of the monster stand out from what you’d get in some other fantasy story. It’s very generic, predictable, and boring.

Hopefully it’ll get better from here! Knock on wood!

Design: What did you expect?

Man, these last few designs have left quite a bit to be desired. The last decent one was the Fomorian!

I don’t know what you were expecting. It’s a gargoyle. You knew what it would look like. I knew what it would look like. The designer on the team at Wizards of the Coast new what it would look like. We all knew what it was going to look like.

Doesn’t stop it from being a bit disappointing, though.

Once again, I’m left with nothing to talk about. It’s a gargoyle. It’s a staple of fantasy fiction that we all know very well already. It’s an iconic monster, though not as much as other creatures to have come before it.

And… yeah, that’s it. Moving on.

Stats: Bog-standard

Oh, wow. It doesn’t even have anything unique to play with. Dammit.

Defense wise, this monster isn’t all that interesting. The AC isn’t bad and the HP can be annoying at lower levels. Not to mention it being resistant to all melee attacks not made with adamantine weapons. That, and you can’t poison, petrify, or exhaust it. There’s not much you can do to it outside of magic.

But there’s not a lot it can do to you.

It can attack once with a bite and its claws per turn. These attacks both have the same stats, being 5(1d6+2) slashing/piercing damage. No unique effects, no special damage, nothing.

But hey! It looks like a statue while it’s sitting still! You know! Like a gargoyle! Hooray!

Placement

Bored… so bored… this monster is boring.

That’s all I have to say, really. The lore is exactly what you’d expect. The design does nothing new. The stats are horribly dull. This thing is so dull that I genuinely couldn’t stand reading its page! This thing is the worst!

With all that in mind, let’s put the Gargoyle on the Best of the Bestiary!

1. Beholder
2. Death Tyrant
3. Dragon Turtle
4. Green Dragons
5. Red Dragons
6. Blue Dragons
7. Black Dragons
8. White Dragons
9. Silver Dragons
10. Couatl
11. Behir
12. Aboleth
13. Bronze Dragons
14. Brass Dragons
15. Copper Dragons
16. Gold Dragons
17. Chuul
18. Chimera
19. Death Knight
20. Fomorian
21. Bone Devil
22. Dracolich
23. Faerie Dragon
24. Ankheg
25. Empyrean
26. Drow (all four of ’em)
27. Shadow Demon
28. Marilith
29. Drider
30. Aarackockra
31. Azer
32. Demilich
33. Spectator
34. Cambion
35. Animated Armor
36. Banshee
37. Basilisk
38. Yochlol
39. Bulette
40. Cloaker
41. Darkmantle
42. Doppelganger
43. Ettin
44. Pit Fiend
45. Erinyes
46. Chain Devil
47. Bearded Devil
48. Barbed Devil
49. Spined Devil
50. Ice Devil
51. Nalfeshnee
52. Glabrezu
53. Chasme
54. Barlgura
55. Horned Devil
56. Balor
57. Shadow Dragon
58. Vrock
59. Dretch
60. Goristro
61. Hezrou
62. Manes
63. Duergar
64. Quasit
65. Dryad
66. Flumph
67. Planetar
68. Imp
69. Flameskull
70. Displacer Beast
71. Carrion Crawler
72. Rug of Smothering
73. Bugbear Chief
74. Bugbear
75. Vine Blight
76. Twig Blight
77. Needle Blight
78. Bullywug
79. Ettercap
80. Gas Spore
81. Cockatrice
82. Lemure
83. Solar
84. Deva
85. Cyclops
86. Centaur
87. Fire Elemental
88. Water Elemental
89. Air Elemental
90. Dinosaurs (All six of them)
91. Earth Elemental
92. Galeb Duhr
93. Flying Sword
94. Crawling Claw
95. Violet Fungus
96. Shrieker
97. Gargoyle <————————– BOTTOM SPOT, BABY!!