Best of the Beastiary, D&D

Gargoyle: Remember that old Gargoyles cartoon?

That has nothing to do with the monster, I just couldn’t come up with a witty title.

Of all the staple monsters in the fantasy genre, gargoyles are the ones I forget the most. They make for a fun bit of flair for a spooky castle, sure! But what happens when you’re story is taken away from said spooky castle? They vanish so that more interesting creatures can take the spotlight.

And they fulfill the exact same role here.

Lore: Take a Guess

Wow. I’m bored. This monster is boring.

You already know what these guys are about. They’re living statues that live atop castles and mountains and all that stuff. They usually serve powerful, intelligent masters as guard dogs for their domains. All that typical gargoyle stuff.

It’s not especially bad lore. But it’s just what you’d expect from a gargoyle. It doesn’t do anything new or interesting to make this version of the monster stand out from what you’d get in some other fantasy story. It’s very generic, predictable, and boring.

Hopefully it’ll get better from here! Knock on wood!

Design: What did you expect?

Man, these last few designs have left quite a bit to be desired. The last decent one was the Fomorian!

Creativity: 0

I don’t know what you were expecting. It’s a gargoyle. You knew what it would look like. I knew what it would look like. The designer on the team at Wizards of the Coast new what it would look like. We all knew what it was going to look like.

Doesn’t stop it from being a bit disappointing, though.

Once again, I’m left with nothing to talk about. It’s a gargoyle. It’s a staple of fantasy fiction that we all know very well already. It’s an iconic monster, though not as much as other creatures to have come before it.

And… yeah, that’s it. Moving on.

Stats: Bog-standard

Oh, wow. It doesn’t even have anything unique to play with. Dammit.

Defense wise, this monster isn’t all that interesting. The AC isn’t bad and the HP can be annoying at lower levels. Not to mention it being resistant to all melee attacks not made with adamantine weapons. That, and you can’t poison, petrify, or exhaust it. There’s not much you can do to it outside of magic.

But there’s not a lot it can do to you.

It can attack once with a bite and its claws per turn. These attacks both have the same stats, being 5(1d6+2) slashing/piercing damage. No unique effects, no special damage, nothing.

But hey! It looks like a statue while it’s sitting still! You know! Like a gargoyle! Hooray!

Placement

Bored… so bored… this monster is boring.

That’s all I have to say, really. The lore is exactly what you’d expect. The design does nothing new. The stats are horribly dull. This thing is so dull that I genuinely couldn’t stand reading its page! This thing is the worst!

With all that in mind, let’s put the Gargoyle on the Best of the Bestiary!

  1. Beholder
  2. Death Tyrant
  3. Dragon Turtle
  4. Green Dragons
  5. Red Dragons
  6. Blue Dragons
  7. Black Dragons
  8. White Dragons
  9. Silver Dragons
  10. Couatl
  11. Behir
  12. Aboleth
  13. Bronze Dragons
  14. Brass Dragons
  15. Copper Dragons
  16. Gold Dragons
  17. Chuul
  18. Chimera
  19. Death Knight
  20. Fomorian
  21. Bone Devil
  22. Dracolich
  23. Faerie Dragon
  24. Ankheg
  25. Empyrean
  26. Drow (all four of ’em)
  27. Shadow Demon
  28. Marilith
  29. Drider
  30. Aarackockra
  31. Azer
  32. Demilich
  33. Spectator
  34. Cambion
  35. Animated Armor
  36. Banshee
  37. Basilisk
  38. Yochlol
  39. Bulette
  40. Cloaker
  41. Darkmantle
  42. Doppelganger
  43. Ettin
  44. Pit Fiend
  45. Erinyes
  46. Chain Devil
  47. Bearded Devil
  48. Barbed Devil
  49. Spined Devil
  50. Ice Devil
  51. Nalfeshnee
  52. Glabrezu
  53. Chasme
  54. Barlgura
  55. Horned Devil
  56. Balor
  57. Shadow Dragon
  58. Vrock
  59. Dretch
  60. Goristro
  61. Hezrou
  62. Manes
  63. Duergar
  64. Quasit
  65. Dryad
  66. Flumph
  67. Planetar
  68. Imp
  69. Flameskull
  70. Displacer Beast
  71. Carrion Crawler
  72. Rug of Smothering
  73. Bugbear Chief
  74. Bugbear
  75. Vine Blight
  76. Twig Blight
  77. Needle Blight
  78. Bullywug
  79. Ettercap
  80. Gas Spore
  81. Cockatrice
  82. Lemure
  83. Solar
  84. Deva
  85. Cyclops
  86. Centaur
  87. Fire Elemental
  88. Water Elemental
  89. Air Elemental
  90. Dinosaurs (All six of them)
  91. Earth Elemental
  92. Galeb Duhr
  93. Flying Sword
  94. Crawling Claw
  95. Violet Fungus
  96. Shrieker
  97. Gargoyle <————————– BOTTOM SPOT, BABY!!

6 thoughts on “Gargoyle: Remember that old Gargoyles cartoon?”

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