Before we begin, I’d like to address some major issues I had with this movie. Issues that no one seems to be talking about. These are problems that don’t add up, and the movie suffers greatly because of them.
Also: spoilers ahead. Nothing major, but spoilers nevertheless. You have been warned.
First, how did Qwen end up in Miles’ dimension before Kingpin opened the gate? And how did she get into his school with no parental authorities to pay for it or even back up whatever fake story she gave them? That don’t make no god damn sense!
Second, how did Miles make his Spider-Suit so fast? It took him, like, less than an hour to make it! And his web shooters fit him perfectly despite him never giving his supplier his measurements? Hm, okay. Sure thing movie.
Third, how come the Spider-Sense lets you know when someone else is a Spider-Person? Can spiders sense the presence of other spiders? Are they Dragon Ball Z characters? It makes no sense, this movie makes no sense 0/10 to see Aquaman!
Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.
I could sit here and nitpick and pretend that they mean anything. But none of it would matter. Why?
Because this is the best Spider-Man movie ever made.
I know you’ve probably heard that in every review of this movie you’ve ever seen. It’s most likely gotten as tired as the line “It makes you feel like Spider-Man!” that was used in every review for the PS4 game ever written by a lazy worker. But it’s true.
In terms of story, visuals, music, acting, directing and writing, this movie gets Spider-Man right better than… Well, better than anything I’ve ever seen! It’s clear that everyone involved in the production has a strong love and affection for the classic character and all of his different incarnations.
Nowhere is this more evident than in the animation. Yes, you also probably hear about this first and foremost, but that’s because it’s the most impressive thing in the movie. The whole thing looks like a comic book come to life, and it’s absolutely wonderful.
This is especially evident in the different Spider-People. Spider-Qwen, Spider-Noir, Penny Parker and Peter Porker all have unique and distinct styles that perfectly resemble the comics from whence they came. It’s especially impressive when they’re all animated side-by-side with one another.
Fun fact: animation is super hard when you’re doing it in one style at a time. Now try doing it in five at once. Doesn’t sound easy, does it?
That visual quality also goes to the cinematography. Each shot is super well composed, the use of comic panels in each shot is flawless, and it’s visually interesting from start to end. Even if you ignore the story and music, you will be entertained simply because the movie looks so good.
And finally, we have the music. Normally, I’m not a fan of modern hip-hop. At all. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I hate it. So naturally, when I found out that the whole soundtrack would be composed of it, I was incredibly nervous.
As it turns out, that fear was unwarranted. Because this soundtrack is an absolute head banger. Every track is well placed and super good. I especially love the songs “What’s Up Danger” and Sunflower”.
And if you know me, you can probably guess what I’m listening to right now.
In terms of presentation, this movie is an A+. But good visuals and songs don’t mean much when you don’t have a good story. Luckily, Spider-Verse has one of the strongest plots in any Spider-Man story to date.
The plot is simple, as a kids film should be. After being bitten by a radioactive spider, Miles is given the powers of his personal hero: Spider-Man. But he has no time to learn, as Kingpin is opening a gate between dimensions that threatens to destroy New York. Now Miles must team up with the Spider-People of five other dimensions and save the day. It’s simple, effective and super well executed as the origin story of Miles Morales.
All of the characters are also super fun. Shlubby and depressed Peter Parker is easily my favorite character, though Qwen and Spider-Noir fight pretty hard for that spot. Each one is fun, interesting, well animated and spectacularly cast.
They’re also used well for a lot of visual comedy. For example, in the down time between action scenes, the literal black-and-white Spider-Noir tries to solve the mystery of a Rubiks Cube. They didn’t need to do that, but it’s a wonderful and hilarious touch.
The villains are also super fun and unique. Kingpin and Prowler are super interesting, and their designs are intimidating (even if Kingpin looks like a big fucking marshmallow man). Scorpion and Doc Oc also get some new takes, and it’s so cool that I refuse to spoil it. The only one I didn’t care for was Tombstone, who was just kind of hanging out and not doing anything.
Aside from him, I don’t have a single complaint for this movie. It’s super pretty, heartfelt and hilarious. If you haven’t seen it yet, then you need to fix that. It’s an incredible film from beginning to end.
Also: stick around for the post credits scene. Trust me. I haven’t laughed that hard at a scene in a movie since Deadpool.
Jonah's Daily Rants 