Daily Rant, Movies

Day 262: Christmas Movies

I can’t be the only one sick of these things, right?

We all know how Hollywood is. They only make two kinds of movies: big and expensive sequels, remakes or reboots that promise to make a shit ton of money and movies so cheap and quick to produce that even a single ticket purchase will have justified the effort. And more often than not, holiday movies fit into the ladder category.

Unless it’s the Santa Clause. Then it’ll somehow be in both.

Don’t get me wrong, there are a few good Christmas movies. Not counting the classic Christmas cartoons or stop motion movies, such as the original Grinch, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and other such movies. Some of these include:

  • Home Alone
  • Nightmare Before Christmas
  • The Polar Express
  • Die Hard
  • A Muppet’s Christmas Carol (which is the best version of a Christmas Carol)

And a few more that aren’t coming to mind at the moment. So it’s not impossible for a good Christmas movie to exist. Hell, the five movies listed above are a couple of classics that still hold up to this day.

But then there are the other Christmas movies. You know which ones I’m talking about. The lazy, rushed, and cheap slapstick and/or romantic comedy movies. These movies are a complete mess of tones, switching from drama to comedy about as graciously as a crocodile being thrown out of an airplane. These movies include:

  • The Santa Clause trilogy
  • Elf (although I’ll admit, I have nostalgia for this one; nostalgia doesn’t mean good, though)
  • Love, Actually
  • National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (because Christmas themed sequels to non-Christmas are always great, right?)
  • Christmas with the Kranks
  • Bad Santa

And so on.

These movies embody the Hollywood spirit: “IT’S NOT A SEQUEL?! MAKE IT CHEAP SO IT MAKES MORE MOOOOOOOONEY!!!” They lack anything that helps a movie stand out. At best, they’ll feature boring direction, a mediocre script, and Tim Allen. At worst it’s a horribly transparent cash grab with no effort put behind it whatsoever, with non-existent directing, a script that would be better placed in a raging dumpster fire, and Tim Allen.

Worse yet, few of these actually feature ‘The Holiday Spirit’. Y’know: be kind to those around you, help your neighbors, give without the desire to be given back to, spread peace and joy, so on and so forth. They just focus on mediocre and boring romance and/or comedy and Tim Allen.

Unfortunately, the list of bad Christmas films just keeps going. This year alone we got a new Grinch movie made by Illumination (which I refuse to see, so don’t ask) and Netflix has released a new Santa movie called ‘The Christmas Chronicle’. And something makes me doubt that those will be the last ones.

Hey. At least we’re not getting another Star Wars this holiday season.

I’m the kind of guy who gets sick of things really easily. This is why I’m not a huge fan of the holidays. Every day for the whole month is a constant bombardment of Christmas songs, over the top decorations, and of course: the movies. The whole thing is just kind of annoying.

Yeah, go ahead and call me a Grinch or a Scrooge. I’ve heard it so many times that I’ve  grown numb to it.

So don’t expect me to spend every single day this month talking about the holidays. Frankly, I’m already tired of talking about them just by writing this post. But I’ll have a Christmas special ready. And I have the best Christmas movie in mind for it.

Oh boy, I’m so excited!

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