Now, you’re probably wondering: why the fuck is the thumbnail for this post the poster of the Cursed Child? What does this have to do with the ‘roots’ of this blog that I’m currently reading? How does that work for the ‘250th Day Special’?
Well, let me tell you a little story. I’m not much of a ‘Potter-Head’, but I did enjoy the Harry Potter series a lot. I’ve read each book about three times, and I saw each movie in the theater after Goblet of Fire came out. After Deathly Hallows, however, I was pretty much done. Unlike everyone else in the world (apparently) my appetite for the world of Harry Potter was sated. I didn’t need anymore.
But then came the Cursed Child. Initially, I didn’t care. Then I saw that it was labeled as the ‘Eighth Story’ in the Harry Potter world. That got my curiosity.
So I rented it from my school library and finished it in about two days while juggling my schoolwork and my first job. And when I finished it, closed it up, and returned it, I had a thought that I never thought I’d have in regards to Harry Potter.
“Well, that was really bad.”
Now, take note: this is in regard to the story alone. I haven’t seen the stage play (mainly because I can’t afford a plane ticket to the UK), but I’ve heard it has an incredibly talented cast and crew. This post is not meant to shit all over them, and it never was. This is purely about the story and nothing else.
What I wanted to read was a new Harry Potter adventure. I wanted a thrilling new mystery with Harry, Hermione and Ron alongside the new gang of Albus, Scorpius and Rose. What I got was “Albus Bitches-A-Lot” in a poor episode of magic Doctor Who. There was no mystery, no thrills, nothing Harry Potter. It was so sucked into saving a character that no one gives a shit about (Cedric Dead-Boy Diggory) that it forgot to make any of the new characters interesting or make any of the old characters feel like the old characters.
As you can imagine, I wasn’t a fan.
Now, there were things I enjoyed. The first four or so scenes are great! Having Albus struggle under the shadow of his father when he’s not that great of a wizard is an interesting set up for a character. Scorpius, while ultimately underwritten, was still a likable and fun character, as he’s the only Malfoy who is actively trying not to be an asshole. Plus, there was a scene where the Trolley Witch transformed into a Miyazaki style monster on the roof of the train.
I don’t care who you are, that’s hilarious and amazing.
And that’s about it. The villain is incredibly weak, as she feels like a fan fiction character. I mean, come on: she’s the bastard daughter of Voldemort and Belatrix who wants nothing more than to resurrect her daddy. Not only does that make no sense (Voldemort would not do something that involved any physical contact with another person, especially not something like sex), but it’s a terribly written motivation.
Here’s a bit of advice: if your villain’s goal is to resurrect a better villain… you need to write a better villain.
Then there’s the time travel. Good god, time travel barely worked in Harry Potter when it was barely in it. But then it was made into the entire premise of the story. This does not work. It is not a Harry Potter story.
Which leads into my final and biggest issue: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is not a Harry Potter story. Despite him being the title character, he is not the main character, but he’s hardly in it at all. This is the story of Albus Potter, and Albus is a far weaker character than Harry, even though he could have been amazing.
Now, I know that tangent went on for a while. By now, you’re probably screaming at me to tell you how this ties into anything. Well, here’s the thing: everything I just wrote was everything that I’d wanted to say back in the day.
Way before the Daily Rants began, I didn’t want to write I blog. I wanted to record Podcasts for YouTube. Hell, I even wrote scripts for them. These were called ‘Jonah’s Pointless Rants’, and they never came to be. But the first one I ever wrote was about this very stage play.
My disappointment and disdain for the Cursed Child was so strong that I was desperate to talk about it. In fact, that ‘Pointless Rant’ was the only one that I had ever actually recorded. I had them stored away on my PC for well over a year before I finally pulled the plug on the ‘Pointless Rants Podcast’.
So don’t expect to ever hear that embarrassing recording of a young Jonah in a nerd rampage. It doesn’t exist anymore.
Now, however, times have changed. I’m now an adult with a bushy beard and receding hairline (thank god for hats), a much more mature outlook on these things and a blog with a small but treasured readership.
Now we’re two hundred and fifty Daily Rants in, almost all of which are now on our brand new site. On top of that, a brand new Harry Potter movie, the Crimes of Grindlewald’, is out in theaters. This feels like the best time to tell this story.
So that’s where this whole series comes from. Two hundred and fifty Daily Rants (of admittedly greatly varying quality) all stem from a Harry Potter podcast that never came to be. Which is why I have odd feelings for this book. I hate it to it’s core, but I love it for what it meant to my career.
What an odd little origin.
Now, not to beat a dead horse, but I want to say one more thing before we wrap it up today. I just want to thank you guys once again for reading. Whether you only tune in for the video game posts or the anime posts, the fact that you read any of this at all means the world to me. So, I feel the need to say it once again:
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.