Daily Rant, Movies

Day 249: The Jurassic Park Franchise

The first Jurassic Park is a classic movie. The writing, acting, special effects, music and cinematography are all spot on. Even all these years later, it still holds up. It’s one of the best movies ever made.

So naturally, they had to make it a huge fucking franchise, right?

Aside from the first movie, none of these films are any good. Whereas the original film had a powerful message about man not manipulating nature, the others are all schlock monster movies with no real point to them.

No point aside from making money, of course.

Seriously, how have they managed to make so much cash off of these? The second Jurassic Park is complete trash, and the third one was even worse than that! Nothing in the stories make sense, the acting and effects are terrible, and they completely waste your time with pointless subplots and scenes, such as the god awful ‘Acrobat kicking a raptor through the window’ or the ‘Raptor saying ‘Alan’ dream’ scene.

Luckily, that was the end of the series. People finally learned that no Jurassic Park movie will ever be as good as the first one. After Jurassic Park 3 was done, the series was finally put to-

Oh hi Jurassic World.

I can’t be the only one getting sick of remakes and reboots. I understand that Hollywood is a business centered on making money rather than producing good art, and the two don’t intertwine very often. Of course they’d bring back the classics in an attempt to make more money off of it.

Name a classic film, and it’s been rebooted. Star Wars, Alien, Predator, Halloween, Vacation, the Mummy, Planet of the Apes, Ghostbusters, King Kong and Godzilla (although I enjoy those ones), Terminator, and the list just keeps fucking going. This shit has been happening for practically the last two decades, and I’m thoroughly sick of it.

And no franchise frustrates me more in this case than the new Jurassic World films.

These films are just… so lazy. Not even my Hollywood man-crush Chris Pratt can fix the uninteresting characters (though he gives it his all, I’ll give him that), messy script full of subplots that go nowhere or make no sense (why the fuck is the little girl in Fallen Kingdom a clone?!) and lazy reliance on nostalgia.

The only really good thing about these are the visuals. The cinematography is fine, though not spectacular, and the visual effects are still really good. For example, the volcano eruption in Fallen Kingdom looks pretty good.

It’s a shame I don’t care about any of these characters.

Unfortunately, I don’t think they’re done. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom was a huge financial success across the world, which means that these movies are just going to keep coming. And the more of them we get, the worse they’ll continue to grow.

Luckily, however, there is a simple solution for me. I’m just not going to watch them anymore. They clearly aren’t for me, and I don’t think they ever will be.

I feel like I’ve said this before about another franchise reboot…

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