Terrible Cash-Grab Strategy Guides

This may be a bit of a brain-dead statement, but I feel it’s worth saying anyway. Books are great! A great book can immediately pull you in, transporting you on a grand adventure! Two books can be extremely similar to one another, yet the different author’s creative voices can make them feel completely unique! Literature as an art form has been around for hundreds of years, yet it’s never stopped being incredible! There is nothing more calming and enjoyable than sitting down with a great book!

But as with all things, there is a balance. Good and evil. Yin and Yang. Not all authors write books to express themselves. Not everyone aims to tell a compelling story or to inform their audience on a certain subject. Some people just want to make a quick bit of cash off of some poor son of a bitch who doesn’t know better. More often than not, said son of a bitch is some starry-eyed kid who doesn’t know better.

Enter the cash-grab strategy guide. If you frequent grocery stores, you’ve probably seen these books around. They typically focus on games popular with kids, like Pokemon and Fortnite. They’ll usually have titles so long and click-bait like that it puts Jake Paul to shame and be filled to the brim with utter nonsense. Plus, the covers will give you eye cancer upon immediate viewing.

I resent these on every level. Firstly, there is no true passion behind them at all. The writers clearly don’t care about the subject matter it’s based on. It’s rare that they even know what they’re talking about!

But even worse are their intentions. Like I said earlier, these books are meant for one purpose: making a quick buck from children. They aim to capitalize off of gullible kids with the promise of ‘unbeatable strategies’ or some crap like that. There is nothing more scummy than taking advantage of children, for any reason. But with these books? It seems that’s all they aim to do!

These books have been around forever. Back when I was a kid, they took the form of cheat books that’d be filled with cheat codes for various games. Even then, they were filled with nonsense. But when the internet rolled around and cheat codes started to die, they moved on to nonsensical strategy guides.

I’d say that these books are a joke. But jokes are generally funny. Reading these books is like listening to your grandmother desperately try to be hip. Only this time, instead of it being a sweet old lady trying to connect to her grandchildren, it’s a malicious thirty-four-year-old dickhead who doesn’t give a shit. It’s not sad in an endearing way, it’s just disgusting.

There are few books that make me angry. My boner for literature won’t let me get too mad. But these books? These soulless cash grabs? They make me fucking mad!

But hey. At least I managed to squeeze a short article out of them. So… I guess that’s something?

Consider it karmic justice.

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