With all the new Pokemon content coming this year, between the two new versions and the Detective Pikachu movie, I can’t help but feel like a small child again. So naturally, I can’t help but keep talking about it. And what better topic to discuss than the very core of what the game is: building your dream Pokemon team.
Now, I’m setting a few limits for myself here. For one, this team can only have one starter Pokemon. Otherwise, at least half the team would just be a mix of the Kanto, Johto, Hoenn and Sinnoh starters (no disrespect to the Unova, Kalos and Alola starters, those four are just the ones I’m most fond of). Second: no Legendaries. That should be for obvious reasons, but to put it simply: while I do love the extremely powerful god-like beings, they don’t mesh well with my other picks.
Now, with all that said, let’s get started! First, we’ll have to make every Pokemon trainer’s hardest choice: our starter. More specifically, their third and most powerful (and often coolest) evolution. And my pick is Sinnoh’s own hot headed ape: Infernape.
Gen 4 already has a special place in my heart, as it was the first one I ever played (Diamond, specifically). And Infernape even more so, as Chimchar was the first starter, and thus the first Pokemon, I’ve ever had. Though honestly, it was a tough call between him and the other Gen 4 starters, cause they’re all pretty awesome.
But to me, Infernape is the single coolest. He has a bad ass design, his stats are pretty good, and he just seems like a cool friend to have. He’d beat the hell out of anyone in my way, and he’d look fucking rad doing it. This dude would be my trusty ace in the hole, and we’d go far together.
Next up, we have my actual favorite Pokemon: Snorlax.
I just really want someone to hug. I mean, he is a fucking wall of extreme health and defense, making him a good fall back guy should the rest of the team be hurting. But in all actuality, I just want a buddy to sleep on top of.
I’ve always had a soft spot for this big guy. He just seems like a big cuddly ball of love. I love his design, which is simple and effective. No Pokemon team of mine feels complete without this guy.
The same of which can be said about my third pick: Pikachu.
Can you really say you’re surprised? No. You can’t. Cause everyone should have a Pikachu on their team.
No, not Raichu. He’s good, but there’s a reason he’s not the mascot. I mean, just look at this little dude! That is the cutest god damn thing this world has ever seen! If anyone could overthrow Mickey Mouse, it would be this adorable little bastard!
Much like Snorlax, I don’t want this dude for combat reasons. I just want an adorable little buddy. Having him around would lift my spirits beyond compare. Besides, he’s still a pretty tough fighter should push come to shove, and his electric coverage is no joke. Sure, Raichu is stronger. But Pikachu is about 1000000000000000000000% more charming.
Maybe add a couple more zeroes onto that.
Now, what team would be complete without a dragon type? While there were many to choose from, I had to go with the beast of Gen 5. My next pick is Haxorus.
We’re done dragging our feet with cutie pies (at least for now)! It’s time to throw some more bad-ass dudes in the team! And you know what makes a quick bad-ass? Putting a fucking AXE in his FACE!
Much like all the others on this list, I have a major soft spot for Haxorus. He carried my first Gen 5 team for a long time, and I absolutely love his first form: Axew. I think he looks absolutely amazing, and his stats are pretty solid to boot.
This mother fucker is the last thing I’d want to see in a dark alley. But if I were facing down some other scary fucker in said alley? I’d want no one else by my side. If I had this dude at my side, I’d know I’d be safe no matter what.
And that the other dude is more than likely dead.
For member #5, we have one of our necessary helpers: the flyer. And for this one, I can think of few better than Crobat.
I actually really like Crobat. His speed is absolutely nuts, as he can outrun basically every other Pokemon in the series. On top of that, he can hit like a fucking truck with the right moves. And he can only evolve into this form when you reach max friendship with him, meaning that you know you have a good friend with this dude.
Plus, if I gave this guy Fly, I’d be able to get anywhere really quickly. As someone without a driver’s license, this sounds like a fucking godsend to me.
And finally, I need a water type. There were plenty to choose from, but one of the most recent additions to the Dex had to take the spot. I am, of course, talking about Wishiwashi.
This dude comes in two forms, and I love them both. His single form is absolutely adorable, and I’d want to protect him no matter what. His School form, on the other hand, is an ally that I know would be able to keep me safe.
I absolutely fucking love this gimmick. Alone, Wishiwashi is weak. But in a swarm of his allies? He’s one of the strongest in Gen 7! Plus, they’re fucking rad as hell! Just look at that design!
Imagine riding into battle on the high seas atop an entire fucking school of fish! Suck my dick, Aquaman! This is the coolest shit in the world!
With that, you have my ideal Pokemon team. It’s far from the most balanced, and equally far from being competitive, but those aren’t what I’m going for. I don’t play Pokemon to be the very best like no one ever was, despite what the theme song wanted of me. I play to hang out with my favorite pets and friends. And these guys are the ones I’d want to be with the most.
So what about you guys? What’s your ideal Pokemon team? Feel free to let me know down below!
Or you could make fun of me for being a scrub and picking all the worst Pokemon to put on a team. That works too.