When it comes to my video game rants, I’ve never talked exclusively about a specific boss fight, have I?
I feel like I’ve made it clear that I enjoy the Kingdom Hearts franchise immensely. The story is total garbage that sandwiches anime cliches with Disney cartoons in the best (and worst) possible way, the art style is cartoon-like and fun, and the action RPG gameplay is super addictive.
Except for Kingdom Hearts 1 and Re:Chain of Memories. Neither of those are very fun for me.
A few days ago, I finally finished my Kingdom Hearts retrospective. I’ve played every game all the way through on the hardest settings (Critical Mode can suck my dick) in order to catch up for Kingdom Hearts 3. But among all the games, only one of them called me back after finishing it: 2.
I love KH2. It is the most fun in the series, at least in my opinion, in both combat and level designs. Compared to Kingdom Hearts 1, where most levels were painful to play, I actually enjoyed every level of KH2 immensely. This is also the game where the story went off the fucking rails completely and flew into anime-bullshit town and I fucking love it.
And then the bosses. They range from super easy and forgettable to brutal, fun and memorable. The Roxas VS Sora battle, every phase of Xemnas, Xaldin (he can suck my dick) and all the optional bosses are both tough and a ton of fun to fight. Particularly the optional bosses; these guys are honestly some of my favorite bosses in any game I’ve ever played.
And then I fought the Lingering Will. On Critical Mode.
Now, I want to make something clear. I’m not very confident in many of my abilities. When it comes to my video gaming skills, on the other hand, I’m highly confident. I’ve overcome some of the hardest games ever made multiple times. I murdered Bloodborne’s Orphan of Kos, beaten all of Super Meat Boy, and taken down the Rebel Flagship in FTL: Faster than Light on hard mode.
Take all of that into consideration when I say this.
The Lingering Will is one of the hardest boss fights in any video game I have ever played.
This guy kicked my ass. Even at Level 99 with the best Keyblade and the best armor in the game, this mother fucker wiped the god damn floor with me. Hell, I’m pretty sure that luck was fifty percent of the reason I won, with the other half being the skills I developed over the course of my repetitive ass beatings.
Every move this mother fucker threw at me has murdered me at least once. I am neither exaggerating nor joking; every move he could throw at me has ended a run. These moves include…
- Jumping on his Keyblade motorcycle thing at running you down
- Leaping into the air and charging at you
- Turning his Keyblade into a whip and swinging it around
- Turning his Keyblade into a giant fucking gun and shooting a massive laser ball at you
- Turning his Keyblade into a bow and arrow that blocks off your commands
- Stabbing you from the air with a death circle thing that will block off a random set of commands
- Summoning laser balls that’ll follow you around and shoot lasers at you (these last for fucking ever, respawn instantly whenever you destroy them, and blast you in the face right in the middle of all your fucking combos and I hate them more than I hate life itself)
- Blasting ice from his motorcycle while he runs you down
- A super move that goes on for a minute straight where he slashes at you, hits you with spiraling gear magic or something, then wraps it up by blowing you up
- Or, my favorite: any of these combined with any of the others all at once, thus murdering you within five seconds
Does that seem like too much for one boss? Because it is.
Every single one of these attacks are super fast, requiring you to block or dodge them with laser precise timing. Most of them leave him vulnerable for a brief moment, but you won’t be getting that at all if you get hit even once.
And believe me: this mother fucker will hit you. A lot.
I had to fight this guy for five straight hours before I finally took him down. That’s not the longest it ever took for me to beat a boss (Orphan of Kos still holds that record at seven straight hours), but it sure as fuck felt like a long time.
Ass kicking aside, this guy is easily my favorite boss in all of Kingdom Hearts. His fight is fucking brutal, but it’s still fun. And his lore is simple and super interesting. That lore being that this guy is Terra, one of the playable characters from Birth By Sleep, trapped in his armor after having his body taken by Xehanort.
Yeah, remember the not-Anakin Skywalker character that you played in another Kingdom Hearts game? Well apparently he was way stronger than he let on in the game you played him. Only now, when you have to fight him, does he let loose and reduce your body to a fine red mist within ten seconds.
I love this fucking boss. I also hate him to the end of the Earth. It’s kind of hard to love someone who spent so much time shoving a giant Key sword straight up your ass. But I came to love him regardless.
All except for those god damn MOTHER FUCKING LASER ORBS!!