Daily Rant, Movie

Day 163: The Happy Time Murders

Hey guys, what if we did Sesame Street but as a R-rated murder mystery?! That’s a good idea, right? People aren’t sick of the r-rated kids thing, right? And people certainly aren’t sick of Melissa McCarthy being in comedies, right?!

Well I am.

Much like the Slender-Man movie, I haven’t seen this one. Also like the prior film: I don’t fucking intend to. So this post isn’t a review; it’s simply me discussing why this movie doesn’t earn my ticket and why it shouldn’t deserve yours.

Now, let’s be honest: R-rated puppet movie isn’t the worst idea in the world, especially for a comedy. If they had played it one-hundred percent straight, it could’ve been hilarious. But they don’t; that much is obvious from watching any clip of any trailer.

Which I assure you; you will. The marketing team on this movie is going all out. In the most annoying way possible, I might add.

Also obvious from the trailers is one simple fact: the puppets aren’t the comedy here. This is a Melissa McCarthy comedy, not an R-rated Muppet murder mystery comedy. So I hope you like Melissa’s style of humor.

Cause that’s all you’re going to get. And you’re going to get a lot of it.

Look, if this movie focused on the murder puppet story and not the ‘Melissa McCarthy’ comedy aspect, this movie could’ve been great. It could’ve been another ‘Muppet Treasure Island’ or ‘Muppet Christmas Carol’, just with… you know… viscous puppet murder. But the writers don’t seem confident in the idea, so they just slapped it together with your typical adult comedy.

In case you haven’t watched one of those (because you have taste), let me give you the punchline to every joke you’ll ever see. They are…

  1. Boobs.
  2. Butts.
  3. Drugs.
  4. Beer.
  5. Cartoonish violence.
  6. Screaming. So much screaming.
  7. Over-the-top stupidity.
  8. Random Destruction.
  9. People talking for way too long.
  10. All of the above. At once.

Congratulations, you’ve now seen every adult comedy ever made.

Even the tag line of this movie is stupid. ‘No sesame. All street.’ I’m sorry, what? Where’s the joke? You’re just referencing the show you’re ‘parodying’. That’s not comedy, that’s just you screaming the name of your inspiration.

Do you want Big Bang Theory? Cause this is how you get Big Bang Theory.

The sad thing is, as I’ve alluded to earlier, I love the concept of this movie. Honestly, a small part of me still wants to go see it. But that little chunk of me is completely overshadowed by the rest of me, which is screaming ‘no’ at the top of it’s lungs.

I call that part of me common sense. He doesn’t come out often, but I appreciate it when he does.

Don’t misunderstand me. If you watch this movie and enjoy it, more power to you. Again: I’m simply explaining why I don’t think this movie would be any good to me, and thus why I’m not going to see it. I wish I didn’t have this disdain for it that I do, but I do have something called taste.

Whether it’s good or bad is up for debate. But it’s mine.

If I’m wrong and this movie is actually good, feel free to let me know. I probably won’t, but it’ll make me feel good knowing that someone had a good time. Go and enjoy the Happy Time Murders.

Or don’t and hang out with me. Watching something else. Whichever catches your fancy.

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