Archive, Daily Rant, Food

ARCHIVE Day 68: The New Oreo Flavors are (Mostly) Trash

Original Release: May 14th, 2018

I was on a cookie kick, I’m sorry.

As some of you may know (if you watched today’s Witcher 3 stream) I love Oreo’s. It’s kind of a problem. No, I’m not sponsored or anything. I just really like the damn things.

Naturally, I’ve made it my life-long duty to try every flavor of Oreo to come out. So far, I’ve done a good job. Unfortunately, that means I’ve had to consume a lot of bullshit.

These three new flavors are the most bullshit of the bullshit.

For those not in the know, the flavors are (and I’m not kidding): Kettle Corn, Cherry Cola, and Pina Colada Thins. And yes, they’re as bad as they sound.

Kettle Corn is garbage. They threw in little bits into the cream, so each bite is full of more crunch then your pallet can be prepared for after looking at it. The cream’s taste is extremely forgettable, and the cookie is just the generic Golden Oreo Cookie. Overall, very poor.

Cherry Cola. If the devil had a cookie, it’d be this. The cream is revolting, filled with pop rocks. Yes. And guess what? It’s absolutely disgusting. No Oreo has ever gotten me even remotely close to vomiting. Cherry Cola nearly did so. Do not eat this flavor. Never even touch it. Just trust me, alright? For your own sake.

Pina Colada is actually the most tolerable out of the bunch. It’s a Thin Oreo, so the cream is balanced enough not to make you throw up. The flavor is sweet, followed by a Pineapple aftertaste. It takes a bit to get used to, but it’s actually pretty alright. It’s not fantastic, nor is it terrible. It’s in the low mid-tier of Oreo’s.

Yes, this is what I do in my spare time.

To summarize: Kettle Corn is forgettable garbage, Cherry Cola is sickening garbage, and Pina Colada is actually okay. If you’re going to try any of these, try the Pina Colada. Do not I repeat do not eat Cherry Cola.

Unless, that is, you hate yourself with a fiery passion.

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