This isn’t a review. I want to make that abundantly clear before we start. I have not seen this movie, and I have no intention of doing so. Instead, I wanted to ask a simple question today:
Who the fuck thought releasing this movie in 2018 was a good idea?
Seriously, it’s been roughly seven years since the Slenderman was relevant. Sure, he was booming in 2011 with two successful games and massive internet fame, spawning several knock-offs and creepy pastas (only ninety-nine percent of which were super cringe inducing and forgettable). If this movie came out in 2011, it probably would’ve been a financial hit. Not a critical one, it still looks like utter garbage, but a financial success nonetheless.
Except it didn’t. It came out in 2018, seven years after Slenderman and everything surrounding him have fallen out of relevance.
Seriously, excluding this movie, when was the last time you’ve heard anything about him? It doesn’t matter who or where from, try to think of the last time Slender or the Slenderman came to mind.
I’m willing to bet that you can’t, and I sure as hell can’t.
You can’t argue that this movie was in production hell for all seven of those years, either. Production started in 2016 shortly before it was announced, which still puts it five years too late to be relevant, and it was still in said production for just over two years.
And at no point did anyone think ‘Hey, maybe we’re a bit late to the party’.
I don’t even know why I’m talking about this. It’s not like anyone has been paying any attention to the movie at all. Aside from annoyingly intrusive adds, it’s pretty easy to even forget that this movie exists. It doesn’t look like it’s gonna be a success, and frankly, I don’t think it deserves to be.
Ugh. Who even cares? If you need a horror fix, just watch 2017’s IT again. If you just want to go see a new movie in the theaters, go watch the new Mission Impossible. Either one of those will satisfy your hunger far more than this movie could.
It’s simply too late to do so.