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ARCHIVE Day 18: Fucking Marvel…

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Note: This was written before Infinity War came out and finally gave me everything I wanted from a Marvel movie. With that in mind, enjoy a slightly younger Jonah being an edgy shit and complaining about Marvel.

So, the new trailer for Infinity War dropped ealier and it looks great.

Looks great.

I have a problem with the Marvel Cinematic Universe. That problem being a total lack of tension across every movie. What do I mean by that?

Simple. No one ever fucking dies!

‘Wah, but Jernah! Colson died in the first Avengers!’ Wrong! He came back to life and stars in his own TV show, Agents of Shield! So shut your fucking face, no one ever fucking dies!

Well, except Quicksilver, but no one cared about him.

No where is this more apparent than Captain America: Civil War. Despite everything that happens in that movie, and Roads being literally blasted out of the sky, no one died. No one. Roads got off being paralyzed.

In movies like this, Death is important. Without it, there’s no tension in the plot. If no one ever dies, then you as the viewer can’t get sucked into the action because you know that everyone will be okay.

For example, the action in the first Avengers movie is good because of Colsen’s death. Now, this was before Agents of Shield brought him back, so he was dead. Stabbed, bloody and corpsified. Because of this, the story had stakes. You know that the characters are at risk of death.

But since then, there has never been a single death of a major character in the movies. Hell, when there are, they’re shooed into the end (RIP Yondu).

Infinity War is on thin ice for me. Thanos is coming to Earth at long last to claim the remaining Infinity Stones. That means he’s coming for Vision, who has a stone in his face.

You get where I’m going, right?

Vision needs to die. If he doesn’t, than what the fuck is the point? It won’t matter whether or not Thanos gets all the stones or not, if he doesn’t take Vision down, than no one will get taken down. So the whole movie will be transformed from the dramatic climax of the MCU to a borefest of CGI pounding CGI.

I swear to god, if Vision gets taken down and someone utters something along the lines of ‘He’ll be okay’, I’m leaving the theatre and never going to see a MCU movie ever again. Not Guardians of the Galaxy, not Spiderman, nothing.

Luckily for me, I’ve still got Deadpool 2 to look forward to.

Thanks for reading, and have a lovely day.

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