Daily Rant, Godzilla-Thon

Day 134: ‘God’Zilla 1998

Here it is. The big one. The one that everyone knows and hates with the burning heat of a star. It’s Godzilla 1998 folks.

It makes me gag just to see it.

Are you happy? Does it bring you joy knowing I watched this film for your pleasure? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

This movie fucking blows! Everything about it is designed to piss on not only Godzilla fans, but movie fans in general. This movie is a travesty that deserves to be forgotten. Unfortunately, it is part of the Godzilla franchise, one of the biggest franchises in the history of cinema.

It will never be forgotten.

This was the first movie ever made by Hollywood, directed by Roland Emmerich. I hate Roland Emmerich. He’s a bad director who makes bad movies. And as a nice final touch: he actively decided to make this movie as awful as it was.

Fun fact, partway through production, one of the higher ups of the movie approached Emmerich, telling him that they should change the movie to be more accurate to the source material for fear of alienating the fans. Do you know what Mr. Emmerich said to this suggestion?

No. He thought it was too much work. So he just kept making the movie as it was planned.

This film was made to capitalize on the current craze of the Jurassic Park franchise in the U.S. and not, y’know, the GODZILLA fans who would actually go to see it! As such, they greatly changed Godzilla’s design to look like… this piece of fucking trash.

download

Do you expect me to defend it? To say that he has a cool design, despite his very existence being an insult to the true King of the Monsters? No. No I’m not gonna do that. He looks like shit, acts like shit, and his existence is shit.

Even his abilities are shit. He doesn’t have atomic breath, unbreakable skin, or anything… you know… cool. You know what he does have?

A gluttony for fish. Yay.

He’s not even intimidating! Seriously, the only ‘damage’ that comes to the city is from the military trying to kill him and missing! Then, when they finally do hit him (or her I guess I don’t fucking care) he fucking dies in only a few hits! Seriously, just a few missiles take him down!

Y’know what a missile would do to actual Godzilla?! NOTHING!!!

FUCK THIS MOVIE! FUCK EVERYONE INVOLVED IN THE MAKING OF THIS MOVIE (except that one executive who tried to change it, he’s alright) AND FUCK EVERYTHING THAT CAME OUT OF THIS MOVIE!! IT’S FUCKING TRASH AND YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER WATCH IT!!

There is one thing, one good thing that came about from this movie is this scene.

Godzilla-Vs-Zilla-Gif-godzilla-39689325-500-207.gif

Yeah, the Japanese bought the rights to the American Godzilla, rebranded him as Zilla, and made him canon… Just to murder him on screen.

Tumblr_llzlp8hjDO1qa1dck.gif

Take that America.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s